


Bay of the Balla

by Radagasttheblonde



Category: Outlander & Related Fandoms
Genre: Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:02:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 33,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24236218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Radagasttheblonde/pseuds/Radagasttheblonde
Summary: in 1960s Ireland Claire was dumped at a convent by her mother and left to fend for herself
Relationships: Brian Fraser/Ellen MacKenzie Fraser, Claire Beauchamp/Jamie Fraser, Jenny Fraser/Ian Murray
Comments: 24
Kudos: 45





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first fic posting alone so please excuse the punctuation as I have dyslexia amongst other problems

Chapter 1

My mother never told me why she dumped me in this home for naughty girls as I did nothing wrong only tried to keep myself alive when she was ignoring me after my father died, I was lucky enough that before he taught me some natural healing ways.

While I was being dragged by a nun through the halls of this new place, I only saw girls and nuns around me always looking down and no one would look me in the eye. I was told to wait outside I then heard “ Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp enter” I walked in with my arms crossed in front of me I refused to look down there was a priest and another nun glaring at me. In the corner there was a large grandfather clock which I finally found out the time which was 2.30pm as my mother had refused to tell the time when she dumped me here, then the priest said “ miss Beauchamp I’m father Jack and this the mother superior you will refer to her as mother.

Do you know the reason you are here” I said loud and clear “ I don’t have a clue” the priest smiled and said “ you are here for your wrong doings”. I said “ what wrong doing I’ve done wrong” him he said “ according to your mother you have” I said “ what have I done” placing my hands on my hips he said “ you were found by your mother under the influence of alcohol more than once you were with some unreputable people as well” I said “ I got drunk once the day after my father’s funeral and never again” the priest said “ you best get used to being here as I doubt you will be going home. you will receive basic level of teaching in the morning and you will work in the laundry in the afternoon ” I huffed and narrowed my eyes at him he lent over to the mother superior and said “ oh we are going to have fun breaking this one”. The mother superior shouted “ sister Niamh” the door opened and nun came in the other one said “ sister please take miss Beecham to one of the dorms please” she nodded and took me by the shoulder we left the room as soon as the door shut I said “ sister Niamh I only got drunk the once and no more honest” she then looked down and said “ I’m not the one to judge” we walked back down the corridor and up a couple of sets of stairs in silence sister Niamh opened a door in to a dingey and chilly room I looked round and I saw a bath near a unlit fire she said “ strip and scrub yourself clean your uniform is on the chair there”. I turned and saw a plain black woollen dress folded on the chair sister Niamh said “ I’ll be standing outside” once she left I breathed a sigh of relief that I was finally alone

I sat in the bath of freezing cold water and picked up the small piece of soap that they gave me it smelt of lavender which made my stomach turn. I trying to stay there as long as possible but when I went numb and began to shiver I knew it was time to get out as I stood I didn’t even feel the cold breeze as I was shivering that much I wrapped myself in the thin cotton towel round me and dried myself off and put the smock dress on which was really itched.

I walked over and knocked on the door when the door opened sister Niamh then took my old dress off me and said “ follow me” I followed her into another room which was only slightly brighter than the other room but in this one had rows of beds on either side of the wall their where girls stood to the left of each bed there was one space spare. Sister Niamh said “you’re going to be sleeping there” and pointed to the empty space I nodded and enter the room I heard some of the girls beginning to snigger sister Niamh glared at them they stopped I heard the door close behind me I took a deep breath and began to walk towards the empty space someone stepped in front of me and said “ why are you here” I looked them in the eye and said “ I don’t know ” they huffed and said “ you wouldn’t be here if you were a sweet angel” I pushed passed her and went and sat on what they called a bed which was very narrow with a 2 inch thick mattress and one blanket one of the other girls came over and sat next to me on the bed and said “ hi I’m called Geillis and you are” I said “ I’m Claire”. Geillis said we will hear a bell at 4.30 that means we all must go down for food one table a night is picked to do the clearing up after that evening pray. That’s when I looked round the room and saw everyone staring at me, so I said “yes” they all scurried off into their little groups and chatting between themselves. Geillis stayed by my side and sat and explained the different groups of people and, she said “ Hannah, Karen and Samantha are the biggest bullies in our room followed by Mary, Hannah and Rachel I normal hang around with Polly and Alex they are quiet friendly I just nodded she said “ but the girls in this room are far nicer than some of the others and can I give you a piece of advice” I said “ what’s that” she sighed and said “ try to keep yourself to yourself and not give the nuns or the father’s any cause to beat you” . I looked at her in shock and said “ well that explains the comment from the father then” Geillis said “ what’s that” I said “ the father said to the mother superior that they will have fun breaking me” I heard her swallow she said “ come on I’ll introduce you to Polly and Alex.

So I placed my stuff on the bed and followed her to the other side of the room and they were sat on one other beds and Geillis said “ Polly move up so Claire and I can take a seat” we sat the girl that Geillis and spoke to me and said “ have you met the fathers then” I said “ fathers I thought there was only one” the other girl said “ there’s father jack known as Black Jack but also his under ling Father Frank” I said “ which one is worse” Geillis said “ father frank can be bad but nothing compared to black Jack” the two girls speaking to me introduced themselves.

A bell went and the entire room groaned Hannah, Karen and Samantha went first then Mary, Hannah and Rachel then Geillis, Polly , Alex then myself.

We walked down the corridor and entered a room with 2 long wooden tables running down the middle laid with bowls and a spoon Hannah went to the right we all followed her then more girls entered the room I felt eyes on my again so I just looked back the other girls sat and where chatting I noticed father jack had come in to the room all’s and I then heard father jack shout “ quiet” everyone shut up bar one father jack said “ Geneva quiet this minute or you will get worse than the cane this time”. The entire room turned and stared at Geneva then a woman came in with a big pot on a trolley everyone picked up their bowls and turned round held their bowl towards her. As she walking passed she ladling something into the bowls I couldn’t see what until it was placed into my bowl and it was watery vegetable stew with very few vegetable’s I noticed that father jack had gone Geillis lent over and whispered the three and top end of the other table are the worst bullies they make Hannah, Karen and Samantha look nothing compared to Geneva, Malva and Laoghaire”. Dorm two were told to clear all the bowls away we were lined up in twos and told to follow a nun I found of was called sister Julia out to the chapel which was pretty dark with very few candles and I bumped into the pew’s we were then told to kneel which we did this this for the next 2 hours when I stood I couldn’t feel my legs when we left I saw the other girls waiting outside we were told to head back to our dorm to go to bed I didn’t realize but Geillis had persuaded Polly to swap beds so she was next to me.


	2. chapter 2

I was woken the next morning by a loud noise I once I didn’t wake fully I saw sister Niamh stood in our door way with a bell she shouted “you have 10 minutes to move or you don’t have breakfast” it was only just dawn by the amount of light coming into the room Geillis shook me and said “ move Claire you will miss breakfast and that’s not easy to cope with I’ve seen it”. I groaned and quickly moved and threw my smock on and followed everyone out of the room like I did the evening prior we sat in the same way the same women came in with the same trolley we turned and a watery type of porridge was put in my bowl it wasn’t white like it should be it was grey which made my stomach turn the girls began to pass a jug down the table Geillis poured some water into both of our metal cups Geillis saw my face she said “ it’s known as gruel if you eat it quickly you can’t really taste it I looked around and couldn’t see black jack but saw another priest . I leant over to Geillis and said “ is that father Frank” she said “ it is but keep away he has a thing for touching girls arses so try and keep distance between you if possible” I just looked at her and nodded once we were finished father frank said “ dorm 1 it’s your turn to clean away today and be quick about it I looked at the girls Samantha came over and said “ Geillis Claire Polly and Alex your wiping down the tables benches and the floors while the rest of us to go the kitchen Geillis just nodded I followed her lead when I walked passed father frank I saw out the corner of my eye the way he was looking at me and it sent a shiver down my spine Geillis must of seen me shiver and said “ me and Alex will do the floor this morning while he’s about you and Polly do the floors tonight I just nodded and followed Polly over to the bucket of water and I dipped my hand in and it was freezing and pulled a face Polly laugh and said “ they only place you get warm water in here is the kitchen to wash the bowls that’s why Samantha said she the others are in the kitchen” I began to wipe down the tables then got a splinter I hissed and pulled my hand back quickly Polly said “ first splinter you will get many more of them you just get used to them one of us will get it out for you later” I quietly said “ ok I looked over and father frank was still watching me I mumbled I which he would stop that Polly then look over and said “ he wont not until he gets a feel of your arse” I said “ he wont be doing that” Polly “ laughed and said “ you cant fight back or your punished we’ve all seen it and he won’t be punished for his wrong doing you just have to keep clear as best as you can and never walk the halls alone”. I nodded and said “ I won’t” Geillis came over “ and said are you finished we have to go to class before lunch”

when we entered the room it was abit brighter than any of the others I had been in and there was a black bored and a desk at the front then four rows of five tables the other girls were already sat waiting for us the nun said “ move it you took long enough” I looked over at Geillis and she said “ follow me” we went and sat in the corner she lent over and said “ that is sister Helen she the worst of the nuns she will punish you for the slightest thing so be careful I gulped Geillis squeezed my arm and said “ you will be fine” time went faster than I thought it would we were taught basic maths and English the sister said “ you have an hour for lunch then all of you go the laundry room” we all stood and placed our pens and paper on the desk at the front in silence.

we left the room we all headed back to the room were we ate this time I saw Black Jack and father frank stood at the end of the room we were given the same food stew as the evening before when we were all finished we had to clean down yet again I said to Geillis “ is there anywhere we can get some fresh air” she said “I follow me” we headed through a corridor and through a door out into a small square garden highly maintained I saw a man cutting the hedge I leant over to Geillis and said “ do I need to be careful of him” she chuckle and said “ no that’s only Murtagh come and meet him” I followed her and Geillis said “ Murtagh come meet the new lass she only joined us yesterday” I stuck my hand out and said “ hi I’m Claire nice to meet you” he said “ I’m Murtagh nice to meet you too” Murtagh said “I best get on before the nuns and priests accuse me of slacking”. Geillis said “ come and sit over here” I followed her over to a bench I said “ he seems nice” she said “ aye he is” I mumbled at least there’s one nice one here Geillis said “ you will see more on Sunday at church but we can never talk to them you only can look” I was about to reply when mother superior shouted “ you two get to the laundry now or your will regret it” Geillis put on a fake smile turned and said “ yes mother” and we got up and began to walk to the laundry

we entered the laundry it was the brightest room I had been in so far all the girls were at their spaces and washing I saw Polly and Alex stood scrubbing stains off sheets with blocks of soap Geillis and I went and stood on the other side of the wash tub and we pulled some of the sheet out of the tub and I hissed at the freezing temperature of the water Polly giggled and said “ told you” I just glared at her and took the piece of soap that she held out for me then began to scrub the stains I wondered when is was ever going to end I could no longer feel my hands because of the cold a nun came in and said “ dry your hands and go to the main hall” I dried them and still couldn’t feel them I looked at them and saw they where bright red so I crossed my arms and put my hands under my arms to try and warm them up and headed to the hall Geillis must of seen this and Geillis said “ it wont work fully but it will take the edge off place your hands round the edge of your bowl and let that warm them”. We got to the hall and sat down waited for our dinner when the watery stew was ladled into my bowl I didn’t want to let go of it Geillis said “ best eat that before Black Jack called time on dinner and you go hungry” I nodded and ate as quick as I could and we had to clean the hall again while the others went to prayer when we had finished we were told to follow sister Niamh out to the chapel and we stood outside waiting for the others to leave 

it had been a few days since a was dumped here and I fell into the routine but the constant getting up at dawn was tiering it was only Geillis Polly and Alex that kept me going by making me laugh quietly. I finally found out what we did on the weekend when I found out we didn’t have to do maths and English I was relieved but we still had to do the laundry Geillis lent over while were packing the clean washing away and said “ time for lunch then we have to go and do needle work” I said “ oh what fun” and rolled my eyes so we went to into the main hall sat down and ate our stew Geillis and I went for a little walk in the small garden. Geillis and I found the girls from our dorm and all lined up into two different lines dorm 2 went one way followed sister Helen and we followed sister Niamh in to a bright chilly room with a circle of 11 chairs sister Niamh asked Geillis to get a basket out of the cupboard and bring it next to her she did as asked. we all sat in the circle sister Niamh passed the needle work round and said “ Claire could you please darn these socks” I lent over to Geillis and said “ I don’t know how to do this it was my mother that always did that” sister Niamh must of heard me and came over and showed me how to do it I smiled and said “ thank you” and carried on how she had showed me we all sewed in silence just in case one of the other nuns came in.

I’d managed to darn 3 socks by the time sister Niamh said “ dinner time ” I looked and saw the sun was slowly beginning going down we placed all the stuff in the basket and lined up once again we followed sister Niamh when we were walking down the corridor Murtagh then stood to aside I nodded hello towards him and he did the same we got to the dining hall took our seats and I saw father frank and mother superior stood in at the end I said to Geillis “ where’s Black Jack” she just shrugged the doors opened and the women came in with the pot of stew well that’s what the nuns call it I took Geillis’s bowl and waited for the women to fill the bowl while Geillis filled our cups with water I passed Geillis her bowl she took a spoon full and mumbled “ this gets worse by the day” I couldn’t help but go “ I agree with you there” we all ate in silence when we were finished we went to chapel I groaned on the inside at this but I knew I had no choice.

We were woke the next morning by sister Niamh and she said “ pick your clean dresses up and get ready” I turned to Geillis and mumbled “ what’s going on” she said “ the nuns are taking us to church” I flopped back and placed the pillow over my face and said “ not again” Geillis took my hand and said “ come on the sooner we go the sooner its over” and pulled me up and Alex passed her 2 clean dresses one for each of us I threw the dress on and tried to brush my hair flat but it had a mind of its own so I gave up and just pulled the knots out we all went down the stairs to the hall and ate breakfast then all followed mother superior out to a mini bus driven by Murtagh I nodded towards him as I was climbing the steps and went and sat next to Geillis when I sat down I lay my head back and let my eyes drift shut in no time I was being shook awake Geillis saying “Come on we best move before sister Helen comes and drags you” I groaned as I got up and got off the bus we were pushed into the last 2 pew’s and sat waiting for mass to start .

I didn’t pay much attention to it all just copied everyone when they stood or sat down and pretended to sing when we had to I just watched the clock the priest finally finished and we were told to wait there till everyone else left so I just sat looking round the room and not looking at anyone I felt Geillis pull my sleeve we then moved back to the mini bus and back to the convent. It was the first I’d seen the name of it, I was saint Agnes home for young ladies I whispered to Geillis “ the name of the school is abit weird for who run it” she said “ well its always been known that” we went back inside and Geillis told me we have the afternoon off so we went and got lunch Polly ,Alex ,Geillis and I we all went for a walk in the garden and sat on the little bench and we were chatting between ourselves when I saw three girls coming towards us two where dark haired the other blonde us I said “Geillis” then flicked my head side towards them she looked and I saw her tense so I knew it wasn’t good one of the dark haired girls looked at me and said “ how dare you” I looked back at her confused and said “ how dare I what?” she just said “ Jamie” I said “ who the heck is Jamie” she hmphed then said “ the one staring at you on his way out” I was about to reply when Geillis stood and said “ Geneva Claire doesn’t know who you’re talking about now leave it” she said “ you will regret this” I looked at Geillis and said “ what have I done?” she said “ nothing Geneva has had a crush on Jamie for a long time and never looked at her once no matter what she tries” I just said “ oh” we sat there and chatted about our lives until we saw the girls walking to hall for dinner. When we walked in the hall, I felt all the eyes on us from the other dorm, so I turned and stared back then walked with Geillis, Polly and Alex and sat down in our spaces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading


	3. chapter 3

I was in a deep sleep until I felt a ice cold breeze when my blanket was pulled back and I felt two hands on my shoulders I woke fully and saw it wasn’t even dawn I said “ where am I going” I heard mothers superiors voice and she said “ your going to see father Jack because you’ve been accused of talking to the boys in church and that is not allowed”. I didn’t realize I was close to black Jacks office when I shouted “ I’ve done no such thing and who told you this lie” mother superior throw black Jacks door open and he said “ we have a reliable source” I pushed over black Jacks desk and held down by mother superior the next thing I heard a thwack and felt a searing pain on my back I scream black Jack lent over me and said “ if you make another noise it will be even harder than that” I don’t remember what happened after that I came round in my bed I saw Geillis sat in front of me she said “ this is going to hurt so take me hands” I did as she suggested then saw Geillis nod towards someone then felt a ice cold rage placed on my back which made the pain feel worse Geillis said “ this has to be done I know it was done through you shift but It was a bit ripped when you were brought back and you don’t know where that cane has been so we need to clean the wounds” I nodded and bit my lip so I didn’t scream out every time the cold rag was placed on my back tears began to roll down my face and Geillis said “ nearly done” I managed to squeak out an “ ok” when it was finished Polly and Alex helped me get ready the rough fabric against my skin was agony. 

we headed to the hall for breakfast everyone turned and looked at me and I looked round the room then saw the smirk on Geneva’s face and my gut knew for certain she had something to do with it as she had made her threat I managed to sit on the bench but I did have shooting pains up my I couldn’t show I was in pain.

we finished breakfast it was our turn to clean the hall and Samantha said “ for me to clean the tables” I did as suggested it still hurt as I moved my arms but not as much as it would it I had to clean the floor we finally got to the class room when we sat down I couldn’t sit back or sit in any comfortable position I just knew I had to get passed the pain. we finally finished for lunch while we were walking to the hall we all sat and waited Geillis said “ I’ll get yours” she took my bowl I just sat with my back to the room but I can feel eyes on me I couldn’t turn and look as I may be punished once again. Geillis placed the bowl of food in front of me I took a spoonful and said “it really doesn’t get any better” we finished and cleaned up

Geillis ,Alex ,Polly and I went out into the garden Geillis, Alex and Polly sat on the bench Alex said “ come on come sit down” I said “ do you really think I can sit comfortable with this” I didn’t hear the footsteps come up behind me only felt the hand on my shoulder and ended up squealing jumped in pain then the hand left I turned then saw Murtagh and said “ oh sorry Murtagh never mean to” he said “ not to worry lass” I could see he wanted to asked but Geillis said “ yes Murtagh it was” Murtagh said “ why” I said “ someone lied” he was about the say something when he saw mother superior and said “ I best go” Alex said we best get to the laundry. 

We got to the laundry and there were 4 places near the two mangles I internally groaned and Geillis said “ you feed the laundry in and I’ll turn” I squeezed her hand in thanks I bent to get the first piece of laundry out of the basket and my smock rubbed against my back and I wanted to cry out but I bit my lip instead and got on with it. I had to focus on something but the pain and the fact that someone body could be so nasty when I did nothing to deserve it Geneva and her little gang where over the other side of the room folding the laundry we heard the door open I turned and looked and saw it was mother superior Geneva said “ look mother Claire isn’t working faster enough” I looked at her and glared at her and the mother said “ Claire you need to get the rest of this finished or you and the rest of your dorm have to work though dinner and go straight the prayers” I whispered “ yes mother” she turned and left Rachel and Hannah came over and said “ we will help you” Samantha walked over carrying some laundry for her to fold and said “ don’t worry were watching” I then saw Geneva smirk again I turned back to get the work to get it finished

Sister Niamh shouted that time was up I looked down thinking there was more the basket and I saw there was none left Geillis was pass the final thing through the mangle I sighed and smiled for the first time that day when Geillis had finished she came round and embraced me lightly then whispered into my ear “ they won’t win” I said “ I know” we cleared everything away then went for our dinner

___________

As the days went by my back was slowly healing but it was today I was dreading the most going back to church not just have to sit and act the there was nothing wrong but if this Jamie stared at me again I took a couple of deep breath while I got out of bed knowing what I may have to face that day I slowly walked down the stairs to the hall to go and get my bowl of gruel I ate in silence Geillis could see something was wrong and said “ everything alright” I said I’m dreading going to church” she said “ why it our only sort of freedom” I said “ what if this Jamie stares at me again and people make lies up again” Geillis said “ we won’t let that happen” I said “ well its worth a try” I carried on eating my breakfast but the good thing was we didn’t have to clean the hall down today so we went and waited on the bus for the other and I saw a nun get on the bus that I hadn’t seen before and I heard mother superior shout “sister Hildegard” and she turned and walked back towards her and walked towards her When the others had finished they got on the bus and sat down and we were off

We got to church and I tried to get into the corner so I couldn’t be seen but I didn’t get there in time I was stuck at the end sat next to sister Hildegard and I did actually pray this time that I don’t get stared at. When I lent back my back still slightly hurt in certain places which meant I had no choice I had to move I did feel eyes on me every time moved I looked and saw sister Hildegard was looking down at me and raised her eyebrows and I just turned back to look at the front managed to stay still until the end of mass everyone walked passed us I just looked down at the floor letting my hair cover my face so I couldn’t be accused once again

When we were leaving the church I wasn’t making eye contact with anyone I just wanted to get back on the bus I sat by the window Geillis sat next to me. I closed my eyes for a while and I wasn’t asleep for long as I was being shaken by Geillis I said “ hmm what” she said “ we are back” I sighed and mumbled “ freedom gone” we made our way into the hall for lunch I looked to the end of the hall as I always did and only saw mother superior once again I wondered where father frank and Black Jack where then I looked round to see if everyone was here just in case he was giving out any other beating I saw everyone well everyone I wanted anyway we all sat waiting for our lunch.

After lunch Geillis, Alex Polly and I went and sat in the little garden the sun was beginning to shine so I decided to lay on the grass knowing it was going hurt I lay back and breathing deeply through my nose ignoring the pain I turned and said “ come join me” Geillis was first to lay next to me Alex and Polly we lay there for some quiet time when it all of a sudden went dark I opened my eyes and saw Geneva and her two friends stood over us I lent up on my elbows and said “ yes” Geneva never said anything Geneva just began to quick me in the feet just to try and get me to hit her but I wasn’t going to I saw movement out the corner of my eye I turned expecting to see mother superior but I saw sister Hildegard instead she smiled at me and I smiled back and she walked away you could hear her footsteps on the gravel Geneva said “ who was that” I said nothing in reply she turned to see but all’s you could see was the back of a habit I stood and said “ could have been anyone” and walked away.

I got to the cloisters and lent against the wall and winced in slight pain when Geillis, Alex and Polly caught me up and gathered round me and said, “who was it” I whispered, “sister Hildegard”. Geillis said “she’s nice she will keep watch on things” I said “ I hope so” Geillis linked her arm through my arm and said “ come on we’re going to the kitchen” I said “ no we can’t we will get punched let’s just go and have a lay down in peace till dinner” she sighed and said “ aye you may be right we went to our dorm and all had a lay down till Mary came in and said “Dinners ready best hurry up”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading


	4. chapter 4

The days and weeks just began to merge together I had kept my head down since my first beating I was always waiting for my next one but it never came Geneva and her friends continued to bully me on a daily bases but I just ignored it which annoyed her even more.

we were sat in morning class and sister Niamh came in and said “can Alison, Ruby, Malva and Annette please go to see mother superior please just sit outside the door till your name is called ” they stood and began to walk out and the rest of their dorm said “ oooooo” and sister Helen turned round and glared I heard Geillis say whys do they always get it” I lent over and said “ where are they going” she was about to reply when we then heard sister Helen say “ Geillis Claire if you continue talking you will get my punishment” and held up a piece of paper and cane Geillis had explained that if sister Helen punished you had to stand at the black board with a piece of paper between your nose and the black board and if you dropped it you got hit with the cane so we went silence straight away she turned back to the board and carried on writing I rolled my eyes when her back was turned I then heard Geillis giggle I turned and smiled back at her.

when class finished we went straight to the hall sat and ate dinner whilst I wondered why the girls had been taken I looked round saw that Ruby, Annette and Alison where sat in the hall I turned and said to Geillis “ where’s Malva gone” she said “ I will tell you after lunch” I said “ ok” and carried on eating we finished and cleaned the hall Geillis said “ come to the garden” we sat on the bench and I said straight away “ where’s Malva gone” Geillis said “ she’s been sold as a maid or whatever the family need them for” I said “ can that happen to any over us” she just said “ yes it can” I said “ so the four of us could be pulled apart at any point” she said “ yes but don’t worry as Alex and Polly will have your back if I go first but its normally the other room that get picked as they are favourite and the nuns normally pick the girls”. I took her hand and squeezed I saw movement out of the corner of my eye I saw sister Hildegard watching so I nodded towards her and she walked away I saw Murtagh and said to Geillis come on lets help Murtagh” she groaned but followed when I got to Murtagh’s side I said “ do you need any help” he said “ not now lass but I’ll speak with the father later and see if he will let you help me and sister Hildegard in the veg patch we need a hand pull some of the veg and get it ready to sell” I turned to Geillis and she sighed Murtagh said “ its outside the walls and not as many nun’s will be watching and it may get you out of laundry one day a week” she smiled and said “ alright I will then” he said “ I’ll let you know tomorrow” I said “ thank you”

we left as we rounded the corner of the convent I could hear a mile off Geneva she was shouting no no no no I heard Geillis laugh and say “ oh dear she’s lost one of her bully buddies” I said “ yeah but the others will fight to get into that little group now” she said “ they will so we best prepare our dorm for it to get a lot worse and stick together at all times” I nodded and we went found Hannah, Karen and Samantha Geillis said “ can we call a dorm meeting” the three of them frowned and nodded and we all walked quickly to find everyone else and within 5 minutes we were all in our dorm sat in a circle Geillis started and said “ I would like to inform you Malva has gone so you all know what’s going to happen” they all nodded. Hannah said “never go anywhere alone always make you always have a witness” Mary said “ we all best get to the laundry before where all punished” we all stood and quickly moved to the laundry.

I woke the next morning hoping that Black Jack would say yes to Murtagh and allowing us to help him I sat in the hall keeping my headed down so I brought no attention to myself after we finished we went straight to the class room and waited for the others I just sat watching everyone chat sister Helen came in to the room and everyone went quiet and sat in their seats sister Niamh came in and said “Claire and Geillis please come with me”. we looked at each other terrified we both stood and followed sister Niamh out of the room Geillis took my hand and gripped it as she prepared for the worst as did I , she walked us to Blacks Jacks office we were told to wait outside in silence I turned to Geillis and gave her the looked of what have we done and she just shrugged I gripped her hand more my stomach began to roll and I felt sick with fear I whispered to Geillis “ do you think someone has been telling lies again” she said “ I wouldn’t know especially knowing the way dorm 2 works but we must be quiet as things could be worst just hold my hand and whatever it is we will face it together”.

The door opened mother superior, Black Jack and sister Hildegarde where stood there and Black jack began by saying “ sister Hildegarde has been watching you two for a while know and has asked if you two could help her in the gardens and the still room making our remoisturise rub” I finally relaxed my grip on Geillis’s hand I was about to reply when mother put her hand up and said “ don’t answer just follow sister Hildegard” when we got out the door and the door hand shut behind us I finally let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding Geillis I turned and smiled at me and smiled back

We got to the garden we saw Murtagh working he turned when he heard footsteps he said “ glad you could make it” I said “ you did speak to the father” he shook his head and said “ he won’t speak to me so I spoke to sister here yesterday and she helped get you here” I turned to sister Hildegard and said “ thank you” she said “ don’t worry I know you need a break from the others and you can talk abit more out here” I said “ thank you again” I said to Murtagh “ what do you want us to do” he said those vegetable’s need pulling over there” so me and Geillis went over to the area that Murtagh had pointed to and started to pull up carrot after carrot I lent over to Geillis and said “ this is why we only have carrots in our stew” she just grumbled out “ aye”

We pulled a wheelbarrow of carrots out I shouted “ Murtagh” he looked up smiled at all we had picked came over and said “ come on follow me” he lifted the barrow and pushed it towards the kitchen we all entered Murtagh said “ Mrs Fitz some fresh carrots” she said “ well thank you Murtagh we needed some more” he said “ oh your welcome lass” she then laughed and said “ I’m no lass I’m old but no lass”. Mrs Fitz looked up and saw us sand there and said “ well come on girls help me wash theses ready for sale” I looked over at Geillis she nodded and we headed over to the sink to begin to wash the carrots I heard sister Hildegarde say “ when the girls have finished cleaning them send them to me and I will take them down to the grocer” she nodded and said “ will you need one of the girls to go with you” she nodded and said “ I will but you can choose which one” she nodded again and said “ I will see which on will work harder” I heard Geillis sigh I said “ what’s up” she said “ I’m just so tiered of living here I just wish I could get out” I said “ well maybe one day just take day by day like I do” she was looking down into the sink cleaning the carrots and wouldn’t look at me she sighed once again and said “ I guess I will have to try” I said “ you’ve been here longer than me so it should be easier” she said “ aye it should be but some days it just gets to you than others”. I said “ I cant disagree with you there” Mrs Fitz came over and said “ hurry up girls sister Hildegarde want’s these before night full” I said “ yes Mrs Fitz” then turned back and continued to clean the carrots I wasn’t sure how long it took but I looked out the window and saw the sky was beginning to turn grey I turned and shouted “ Mrs Fitz we are done” she said “ alright girls you both go with sister Hildegarde” she then disappeared when we finished loading them into the boxes sister Hildegarde was there and said “ come on girls we best get these to the grocer before it gets to dark”

we lifted a box each and carried them out of the convent and headed towards the grocer in the village I really wanted to speak but I was to scared to just In case anyone heard and it got back to Black Jack I could see Geillis was to scare to as well we got to the grocer and sister Hildegarde knocked on the door and a short dark haired women opened the door she said “ sister Hildegarde good to see you again” she replied and you jenny then turned to us and said this is Claire and Geillis” she said “ nice to meet you” we didn’t reply we both just smiled at her walked over and left the boxes were she told us to sister Hildegarde said her goodbyes and we headed back to the convent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading


	5. chapter 5

The next week instead of being in the garden Geillis and I were taken into a room that we hadn’t been in before and we saw pots of hot water boiling and herbs seeping into it Mary, Alex and Polly were in there sister Hildegarde said “ do you know anything about healing” I stepped forward and said “ my father taught me something about it before he died so I know some” she said “ follow me” I followed her to the table it had a pestle and mortar on it with lavender and camomile next to it and said “ grind these together and place them in these little clothes and tie them shut” .Sister Hildegarde walked towards Geillis and got her stirring the bubbling water above the fire I pulled the lavender off the stem and placed it in the pestle and pulled the camomile leaves apart then placed them into the pestle and began to ground them together when I had nothing left next to me sister Hildegarde saw I had finished and came over and said “ could you please go outside and pick some more lavender and when you come back in a will show you how to make clove oil” I did I was told as I was knelt down picking the lavender I felt a presence behind me I turned and saw Geneva stood behind me and she said “ I see you have got malva’s jobs” I sighed turned and stood up and said “ look leave me be please” she was about to reply when I heard footsteps and saw sister Hildegarde she crossed her arms and said “ don’t you have somewhere else to be” I saw her glare at the sister and she stormed away. sister Hildegarde turned and said “ are you alright” I nodded and said “ this time it was only words” she said “ I know she’s no good and causes trouble but we can’t do anything so carry on what you are doing by keep yourself to yourself” I took her hand and squeezed it in thanks and she turned and walk away and I went back to picking lavender.

I was glad that routine changed every week I was beginning to learn more healing techniques from sister Hildegarde and sister Niamh

One morning mother superior came into our room and dragged Hannah out of our room her screams woke us we all knew what was about to happen so I said “ Geillis to get ready to wait for Hannah to be brought back” I said “ I’ll be right back” I throw my dress on and ran down to the still room and grabbed a bottle of clove oil left I note to sister Hildegarde saying “ I borrow a bottle of clove oil I’ll make some more when I’m next in here” then snuck back to my dorm by the time I got there Hannah was back and laying flat on her stomach pale as a sheet and some of her shift torn I turned to Mary, Polly and Alex and said “ hold her as gently as possible” I gave her a piece of cloth to bite on and said “ this is going to hurt but it will take the pain away” I passed Geillis a piece of cloth covered in clove oil and we both worked in unison to get it done as quick as possible. By the time she had finished Hannah had passed out dew to the pain we all got ready and left her to sleep as we were walking to breakfast I saw sister Hildegarde I tensed a bit and prepared myself for a shouting at she pulled me to one side and said “ who this time” I said “ it was Hannah but we don’t know why and I’m sorry for taking it without asking I just didn’t have time” she said “ don’t worry when its needed its needed now carry on with your day I’ll keep an eye on her and” I nodded and headed to the dining hall.

I carried on with my day as best as possible but I couldn’t help but worry as I knew the pain of a beating as did near all the other girls from our dorm they had never said it but you could still see the pain in their eyes before we went to dinner I saw sister Hildegarde and said “ how is Hannah ” she said “ she’s fine I manged to get her to have some broth this morning but nothing since” I said “ thank you sister” and carried on the hall for dinner.

After prayers we all ran up to our dorm hoping that Hannah would be awake when we went in Hannah was sat hunched over on the end of her bed Mary went over and knelt in front of her and said “ what’s been said” Hannah said “ I didn’t do it they are lying but mother and Black Jack wouldn’t believe me he just kept saying liar and hitting me” Mary said “ I know you didn’t do whatever they are saying you did” I took a deep breath and stepped forward and said “ what are they saying you did” she said “ that they are saying I snuck out after dark to go and meet with the local kids”. I said “ WHAT that’s a lie we all know you don’t” I stood and went to head towards the door when but Hannah grabbed my hand and said “ don’t you will be beaten too you know it and you know that’s dorm 2 will love having more than one of us beaten” I sighed and said “I know” sister Niamh came in then and shouted “ aren’t you meant to be asleep” we all ran to our beds as we didn’t want to be punched as well.

Hannah’s back began to heal but I was still angry at the lies that Geneva or one of her cronies had said it hadn’t been spoken of since the beating but a few days later Geillis and I were in the garden helping Murtagh we were whispering about with it when Murtagh came over and said “ come on there something clearly bothering you now will you please tell me no one will question you out here”. I turned and looked at Geillis and she nodded I said “ one of the girls from dorm 2 told a great big lie about one of the girls in our dorm and she got a huge beating for it” Murtagh then stroked his chin and said “ hmm have you ever thought of revenge” I said “ yes but we can’t do anything without being punished and even if we made up a lie like they do we would never be believed” Murtagh said “ let me think on it and I will get back to you as we don’t want to rush things as they will suspect you straight away” I smiled and said “ thank you” Geillis and I went back to planting vegetable’s and Murtagh went back to cutting the hedge.

As I had promised when it was my turn to be in the still room I made up another batch of clove sister Hildegarde said “ Claire Geillis I need you to come with me to take these batch of rheumatoid cream to the pharmacy” I said “ I’ve nearly finished the batch of clove oil and we can leave it to cool while we take it is that alright” she said “ it is” I carried on stirring the pot and when it had turned a deep red colour I knew it was time for me to take it off the fire I place it in a corner out of the way to cool while we were gone.

As we were walking down the road towards the pharmacy I couldn’t help but wonder what Murtagh was thinking about doing for revenge but I had to push that to one side as I couldn’t let it show on my face Geillis leant over and whispered “ nice to be out of the convent in full day light and not on the bus on the way to church” someone came towards us so Geillis and I looked down so they wouldn’t speak to us they would only speak to sister Hildegarde once they had said their goodbyes and walked away we looked up again sister Hildegarde turned and said “ I know you’re not meant to speak to people outside the convent but there’s no need to look down” I said “ well it stops people talking to us it’s just easier than have to not reply at all and seem rude and if we do reply you never know if it will get back to mother”. sister Hildegarde said “ whatever makes you feel comfortable” we carried on down to the pharmacy being stopped every now and then by people to speak to the sister which I didn’t mind so much we finally reached the pharmacy waited till the shop was empty of customers and went in and passed the remedies over to the pharmacist he said “ thank you sister I’m going to need these ready for winter so best we get them in advance so whenever you make any more send it our way you know we are always happy to make a donation towards the convent for your help” then handed sister Hildegarde over a small purse she thanked him and we left Geillis. said “ oh mother will be more than happy with that she will be getting us to make more remedies for the locals” I said “ like what” she turned and said “ the clove oil for example if Hannah wasn’t using that twice daily she would have trouble moving it was only your quick thinking that’s helping her”. I could but smile I silently thank my father for helping me get into healing by the time we got back to the convent it was beginning to get cold I was beginning to shiver as was Geillis we heard the dinner bell I turned to sister Hildegarde and said “ can you put the clove oil in bottles for me” she said “ of course” Geillis and I began to run towards the hall and I heard sister Hildegarde shout “ no running” we slowed down and saw Murtagh on the way passed and he smiled at us I knew he had thought of something I couldn’t wait till the next week when we were in the garden for him to tell us what it was so I whispered to Geillis “ we need to keep ourselves busy till next week”

Finally our day came round for us to go to the garden Murtagh had asked us to pick the rest of the plants that where ready to be put under cover over so it wouldn’t freeze to hard when winter came Murtagh came over and knelt by us and dropped a glass fronted pendent in front of me with a lock of hair and said “ your revenge” Geillis said “ how” Murtagh shrugged and said “ mother superior asked me to clean the chimney before she had to light it and I found it and thought It would be your revenge plant it in Geneva’s room and see her punishment I’m sure Mother will get black jack to punish her in front of everyone and it may teach her a lesson and it should put doubt in the mother’s and other nun’s minds about what came out of her mouth next” I said “ I don’t know what bed she sleeps in I’ve never been in dorm 2 before” Geillis said “ I do we just need to keep them all distracted so I can get in there” Murtagh walked away I slipped it in my pocket and said “ best plant it while everyone is at breakfast while everyone is busy” we went back to covering the vegetables until we heard the dinner bell

The next morning I knew we had to plant it before the mother found it was missing when Geillis was dressed I took it from under my pillow and said “ its time” and passed it to her while no one saw slipped it into her pocket and we left the dorm and let dorm 2 go passed first Geillis slipped into the dorm to do what she had to do she was back in our line before we even got to the hall I turned and she smiled at me I knew that meant it was done now we just had to wait till mother had found it was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading


	6. chapter 6

It had been three days since we had planted the pendent I woke to the noise of a bang and a cold rush of air coming into the room I saw it wasn’t even fully light yet I heard mother shout “ get up all of you this minute or you will be punished” sister Niamh sister Hildegarde and a few other nuns followed her in and started to strip our beds once the nuns where done they all said “ there’s nothing here mother” mother superior huffed and left the room. Everyone looked at each other that’s when we heard the other dorm door hit our wall after being thrown open and all the girls screamed from dorm 2 I began to count in my head I heard sister Niamh shout “found it” the screaming started by Geneva she was shouting “It wasn’t me” and carried on screaming. sister Niamh came in and said “ you all best get dressed as the mother wants you all in the hall NOW” we all quickly got dress Hannah came over before we left and said “ what have you done” through her gritted teeth” I said “ nothing” and carried on getting dressed and left for the hall. I was trying to calm myself before I got to the hall I could see Geillis was trying to do the same when we entered the hall Geneva was already pinned to the floor by sister Julia and father frank mother superior was pacing back and forth like a prowling lion. I couldn’t see Black Jack yet I heard the door swing open and we all parted like the sea while Black Jack stormed between us all he got to the front and said “ you get me up way before dawn what for” mother superior held up the locket and said “ this father is mine I found it was missing this morning and we did a strip down of the girls rooms and we found it hidden under HER!! mattress Geneva tried to lift her head to say something but father frank wouldn’t allow it mother superior continued and said “ I’ve decided to call everyone in to witness the punishment for thievery” I looked towards Black Jack this time and saw a smile on his face and instead of the cane he had a belt and I knew he wasn’t going to be gentle Black jack stood over her and the first thwack on her back echoed round the room between the noise of the belt hitting Geneva’s back and her screams I lost track of time and wasn’t sure how long it went on for he gave up after her entire back red but not bleeding father frank and sister Niamh moved away and a couple of her dorm mates helped her to where they were standing. mother superior said “ do you all now understand the punishment for thievery” we all said “ yes mother” she said “ your all dismissed” we all headed towards the doors we went back into our dorms and sat on our bed Hannah came over and said “ did you plant that” I said “ well yes and no” there was a couple of people involved but please don’t tell mother” she said “ I wont but never do it again and it one way it may of taught Geneva a lesson as well as dorm 2 that they aren’t protected”.

We went down for breakfast as expected Geneva wasn’t there we all ate in silence I could tell everyone was thinking about what had happened but I didn’t feel an ounce of guilt over it we cleaned up after breakfast and went to maths class that lunch time Geillis Polly Alex and I were walking down the corridor and I notice one of the girls from dorm 2 was carrying a bottle of the clove oil sister Hildegarde walked up behind her and must of seen it in her hand she shouted “ what are you doing with that come here give it to me” she handed the bottle over to sister Hildegarde and stormed off and sister Hildegarde shouted “ don’t you take anything from my still room again” I turned round to the others and said “ she must be in a bad way”.

When we where in the laundry Ruby came over and said “Claire Geneva needs your help” I said “ why would I help her” she sighed and said “ you saw what they did to her” I crossed my arms and said “ fine I will come to her only if you are in the room and Geillis is with me” she nodded I said “ we will come before dinner if possible it wont take long if the two of us check her over”.

After finishing the laundry the three of us ran up the stairs we entered the dorm and Geneva was lying on her bed on her front Ruby said “ Geneva I’ve brought help” she groaned and said no one will help in here they never do” she said “ I’ve brought Claire and Geillis to help I stepped forwards and said “ Geneva let us take a look and we can get you some oil to put on it” she sighed and said “ fine”. Geillis and I walked over to the bed and looking at her back it was as expected red raw and not a patch of pale skin on her back I said “ I’ll go and get some clove oil off sister Hildegarde I hope this means we can live a more peaceful life from now on” Geneva said “ it does” we turned to leave the room before I left said “ Geneva if you break our agreement you will never get our help again” I saw a slight nod and I left and shut the door behind me.

As I walked down the stairs sister Hildegarde and sister Niamh where walking down the corridor I said “ sister Hildegarde could I please have a word” They both stopped sister Hildegarde turned towards sister Niamh and said “ you may go on”. Sister Hildegarde turned me and I said “ have you got a bottle of the clove oil for Geneva” she crossed her arms and said “ I thought you didn’t get on” I said “ we don’t but we come to a deal if I get her the oil she will stop ” and I’ve said “ that if she breaks her promise she won’t get my help again” sister Hildegarde nodded and said “ I’ll get it while you are at dinner and take it to her dorm” I said “ thank you sister” and Geillis and I walked towards the hall

Geneva had kept her promise by not causing any trouble and it was my first Christmas at the convent mother superior and black Jack had been invited to the Vatican to have mass with pope so we were all hoping that Christmas wouldn’t be too bad with only Father Frank being here but the worry was his creepiness.

The morning came of mother superior and Black Jack’s departure for Italy Murtagh was stood by the door waiting for them as we went to the hall when we entered mother superior Father Jack and Father Frank where stood at the front with the rest of the nuns down the side of the hall mother superior stepped forward and said “ I’m warning you all now that if you miss behave in the slightest you will be punished”. I shuddered as did the other girls we all said “ yes mother”

I wondered what they had done to get that honour Father Frank called us back into the hall he stood at the front and said “ while mother superior is away sister Helen will be the nun taking charge” you could hear the sigh not just from the other girls but the nuns too and we were told to leave and get on with our day.

I was allowed to be in the still room the entire day with it being around Christmas I was making the rheumatism cream as the pharmacy has asked for more. It seemed to be very popular I thought it must be working I felt a tap on my shoulder and I turned and saw sister Hildegarde I smiled and she said “ take a seat” and gestured towards the bench next to me I tensed up sister Hildegarde must of seen it and said “ no need to worry Claire I’m not going to shout I just have a few questions”. I nodded she sat next to me and said “ how old where you when your father taught you healing?” I shrugged and said “ what I can remember is from being very young assisting him” sister Hildegarde said “ did your father leave recipes before he passed” I sat back and thought and said “ there’s the odd one we did a cream that was made for pain and healing bruises which is different to yours there was another one an oil to heat up in the room for when you have a bad chest which you can also use as a balm to rub on to the chest”. sister Hildegarde said “ will you make them and we trial them at the pharmacy and see how they sell” I said “ I will but I don’t want anyone knowing the recipe as they were my fathers and I don’t have anything else of his” she said “ of course I will leave you to make them” I smiled and said “ thank you sister can I deliver them with you” she said “ yes there made by you and your going to have to give the instruction on how to use them” I said “ I will finish on this batch of rheumatism cream and I will start on the first batch of my healing cream” sister Hildegarde stood smiled at me and left.

After finishing the rheumatism cream I went onto make the healing cream I got clean pot over the fire before to heat up with water in it once bubbling I dropped some witch hazel in and left that to bubble down into a thick running substance whilst that happen I got olive oil and beeswax and mixed that together into a paste I went over to check on the witch hazel it was ready I took it off the heat and got a spoon and slowly scooped the witch hazel into the bowl of paste and mixed it together I had made up 12 jars sister Hildegarde came back into the still room and said “ your done already” I said “ I am” she walked over and opened one of the jars sniffed it and said “ witch hazel and what else” I smiled then tapped my nose

The week before Christmas flew by and the next thing we know is its Christmas day and we were sat in church listening to a long mass and by the end I couldn’t feel my bum I could see Geillis Alex and Polly was having the same problem Geillis turned smiled and said “ cant feel your bum” I just shook my head Alex said “ probably like them most of us in here”

Murtagh drove us back like he did every time he began to follow all of us back in I turned and said “ aren’t you going to spend Christmas with your family” he said “ no best keep and eye on him” nodding towards father frank” I said “ will you be in the hall with us then” he said “ I will be bobbing about but will eat in the kitchen with Mrs Fitz and the other kitchen staff” I touched Murtagh’s arm and went off in to the hall.

When we walked into the hall the tables where leaden with food I turn to sister Hildegarde and smiled And she smile back I walked to the table on sat next to Geillis I whispered to Geillis “I've never seen so much food here before” She said “it only happens at Christmas And Easter” father frank joined the top of one table and sister Helen the other they began to cut the meat and placed a piece of meat on each plate and past the plates down the table I said to Geillis I’ve never felt it so relax here” she said “ its only because mother superior and Black Jack are not here” after lunch we got to go and relax in our dorms and I dropped off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading


	7. chapter7

The day after boxing day I was back in the still room with sister Hildegarde making some of the bruise ointment and she was making the rheumatism cream when we heard a knock on the door sister Hildegarde said “ enter” I heard sister Helens voice she said sister Hildegarde there’s someone to see you I turned and saw someone I had only seen at the pharmacy sister Hildegarde said “Mr Fraser what are you doing here” the man said “ I ran out of the rheumatism cream I was wondering if you had any made up” she said “of course” turned to get the box and said “ I’ve been meaning to bring it to you”. I heard him breath in he said “ can I smell witch hazel” she turned and smiled at me and said “ yes it is a cream that helps heal bruising it’s a special recipe of Claire’s I don’t even know the recipe” I went and stood next to sister Hildegarde so Mr Fraser could see me he said “ Jamie come here your always covered in bruises” he stepped forward I saw him for the first time and Mr Fraser pulled Jamie’s sleeve up. I then remembered what Geneva had said to me them months ago I whispered “ your Jamie” he said “ I am lass” we both looked at each other I’m not sure how long it was but I heard a cough then shook my head and heard Mr Fraser said “all done can I keep this jar and see how it works then we will take the rest to sell from you” I said “ of course I don’t mind but I do have another thing that no one knows the recipe too” he said “ what’s that” I said “ it can be used as a balm to rub on the chest or can be melted in hot water to be breathed in to clear your chest” he said “ Jamie how long had Ian been coughing for now ” he said “ oh since before Christmas da” I said “ why didn’t you or your friend come to us and we could of helped”. He just shrugged and said “ I don’t know” I handed a jar over to Jamie and said “ give this to your friend it should clear his chest soon” he said “ thank you miss” I said “ call me Claire” he said “ as long as you call me Jamie” I said “ okay” I turned to Mr Fraser and said “ thank you Mr Fraser” he said “ call me Brain and your more than welcome” they turned and left

Before we knew it mother superior and Black jack where walking back through the front door and we all had to pretend that we had missed them, but we all hadn’t I don’t think some of the nuns missed them either.

The next morning after breakfast instead of going straight to class we were told to the line the benches up and stay in the hall to hear about the pilgrimage I sighed internally but pretended to listen I began to fully listen when I heard “ we are changing the punishment from beatings to hard labour” the reason we decided this is because we had a chance to speak to his holiness himself and we told him about our work and he asked us how we treat you and we told him that we don’t spare the rod to spoil the child his holiness said that we need to stop any harsh punishment and to give the children more love.

When mother finished, we were all walking out of the hall I glanced over towards Father frank and I saw a look of horror on his face but couldn’t make out why so I brushed it off and carried on to class. when we left class we looked out the window and saw it had been snowing and Polly said “ do you think we will be allowed to go and play in the snow” I noticed mother superior walking towards us and whispered “ lets test this new mother” I walked towards the mother superior and said “ mother its snowing and I wanted to ask your permission to go out in the snow” mother superior smiled at me which unnerved me but she said “ yes girls you may as long as you are on time for the laundry” we all said “of course mother” I checked the clock before we left and knew we would have to be in in 45 minutes we all got out into the little garden I said” should we build a snowman I saw movement out the corner of my eye looked over and saw it was Father Frank stood looking out the window at us I knelt near Alex and said “ did any of you see father franks face when we left the hall this morning” .Polly said “ the change has ruined his fun now” I said “ how so” Polly said “ he enjoyed the beating more than Black Jack” I gave her a odd look and she said “ it’s because he doesn’t have to do it”

__________________________________

It had been 6 months since mother superior and Black Jack got back from Italy they had kept their promise to use hard labour instead of beating, it had been 2 months since Geillis was sent to work with Jamie’s family even though we weren’t being beaten it was hard not having Geillis there yes I had Polly and Alex but it wasn’t the same without her with us.

I was sat looking out the window and saw car pull up and a man and pregnant women got out I knew what that meant so I ran to find Polly and Alex and I found them in our dorm I told them what I had seen Polly said “ surely you’re going to be chose to be interview you’ve not been in trouble or anything for months” I just shrugged and said “we will see” Ruby ,Alison, Laoghaire and Rachel where chosen for interview I sighed really thinking it was my turn but clearly I hadn’t done enough time here so I went off to the still room and began to make the creams I didn’t really speak to anyone just stayed with my own thoughts until sister Hildegarde came and lay her hand on my shoulder and said “ everything alright Claire” I huffed and said “ I was sure I would at least get picked for interview I’ve done nothing wrong since before Christmas last year but no I’m still not worthy of a interview” sister Hildegarde said “ your time will come Claire” then she was gone I turned back carried on with making the cream. That evening at dinner I noticed that Polly was very quiet, but I didn’t presser her on it I just let her be I thought she would come and tell me soon.

It had been a week since Polly had looked me in the eye properly and it was upsetting me as I didn’t know if I had upset her or not when Polly Alex and I were sat in the garden at lunch I said “ Polly have I done anything wrong to upset you would won’t look me in the eye” looking down at her hands she shook her head and said “ no not you” I said “ who?” she took a deep breath and said “ you know the day that Ruby was taken to work for the family” I said “yes!” Polly said “ I well heard a conversation later on in the day between sister Hildegarde and sister Niamh and how bad sister Hildegarde felt after she had spoken to you because it was her that told the mother superior that the two main things they sell are your recipes “ I could feel my anger bubbling up so I stormed off to the still room and shout “sister Hildegarde is true did you tell mother that they were my recipes she said “ yes did” I shouted back “ well thanks to you I’m never going to get out of here because we all know they like the money” I didn’t even give chance for a reply I just turned and stormed away turned and shouted back “ give me hard labour I don’t care” and carried on walking down the corridor I didn’t see him only heard a mumble so I turned and said louder than I should “ pardon” the next thing I remember is being flat on my back being punched constantly in the stomach and ribs it finally stopped and I opened my eyes and saw Murtagh pinning Father Frank up against the wall sister Hildegarde knelt next to me and said “ come on lets get you up” once up I put my whole body weight on sister Hildegarde I heard her say “ best take this to father jack” Murtagh forced Father Frank towards Black Jacks office.

We were stood in Blacks Jacks office and mother superior was there she said “ what’s happened” Murtagh said “ before this one here tries to make up lies about Claire she was only being polite and said pardon when she walked passed as I witnessed the whole thing because I was working at the other end of the corridor”. sister Hildegarde said “ Claire and I had a bit of an argument in the still room and she stormed out I followed but didn’t get to her in time he was already beating Claire by the time I got into the corridor” mother superior said “ what shall we do with this then” Murtagh said “ first he says sorry and means it secondly Claire comes with me and instead of payment from me she comes to work in the still room 2 days a week and she get treated as a worker not a pupil and thirdly the work doesn’t start until she recovered from this monsters attack and finally he goes nowhere near Claire when she here how does that sound for our silence” mother said “ I agree to that what about you father” Black jack said “ I agree too its one less mouth to feed 4 days a week” Black jack turned towards Father frank and said “ are you going to say sorry” he said “ sorry” through gritted teeth Murtagh let him go and he took me off sister Hildegarde I turned to sister Hildegarde and said “ please tell Polly and Alex I will see them soon” we were out of the door Murtagh help me into his car I said “ were are we going” while trying not cry from the pain of my ribs he said “ I’m taking you to Geillis” I said “ oh ok” and just looked out the window and watch the world go by. 

We pulled up outside of the pharmacy Murtagh come round to my side of the car and said “ I will carry you” I said “ its not like I can move very well”. Murtagh picked me up and carried me round the back of the pharmacy opened the door and I heard Geillis shout “ Claire” the fiery red head was in front of me I tried to say “ long time no see” I tried to reply but I passed out from the pain”.

When I woke I was on a soft comfortable bed compared to the bed I had been sleeping on I saw that the sun was going down Geillis was sat next to the bed she saw me wake and said “ Father Frank did this” I said “ he did and you’re the one that said Black Jack was worse” Geillis said “ clearly I was wrong” I tried to breath in deeply but I couldn’t and Geillis said “ I think he may have broken some of your ribs Murtagh told us what he witnessed” I said “ but he promised not to tell anyone”. she smiled and said “ don’t worry we won’t tell anyone ” Geillis walked over and locked the door then said “ come on let have a feel of your ribs then we can figure out what we need” I stripped down to my shift and Geillis began to press my ribs when she got to my lower ribs I screamed in pain then Geillis said “ yes that one is definitely broken” I stayed still after that when Geillis had finished she said “ stay there” and moved towards the door I said back “ it’s not like I can move very far or quickly” . she turned back smiled and said “ I’ve missed you” opened the door and shouted “Ellen can you bring me some bandages please” shut the door and turned back to me and said “ how is everyone there” well dorm 2 are like they always are and our dorm just keeping their heads down I will miss Polly and Alex though but it would be funny to see Geneva’s reaction when she finds out where I am” Geillis said “ well when you can move properly again we will go to church and she will see then” .I shook my head and said “ did Murtagh tell the terms of them letting me go” she shook her head I said “ I still have to go back 2 days a week to make the bruise cream and the balm” she said “ but why” I said “ because they are my recipe’s surely you should of guessed as I never let anyone else make them” she was about to reply when there was a knock on the door Geillis shouted “come in”.

A tall women came in carrying what Geillis had asked for she smiled and said “ hi I’m Ellen Fraser” I said “ hello Mrs Fraser” she said “ call me Ellen please” I nodded Geillis said “ there is at least 1 broken rib that I know of the rest is bruising” Ellen said “ right let’s get you strapped up” I removed my shift and allowed Ellen to wrapped bandages round my lower ribs while she was doing this I said “ how is Murtagh” she said “ only just calming down Brain had to take him out to calm him down as he wanted to kill Father Frank” I tried to laugh but just ended up saying “ouch” Ellen said “ don’t move while I tie this off” when she had finished I said “ I didn’t have time get the few things that where mine I haven’t got another dress other than this one the other is back at the convent” pointing towards the dress on the bed Ellen said “ don’t worry there’s a box of fabric over there” pointed to the corner of the room choose she said “ choose 3 different fabrics and I will make you some new dresses one for Sunday best and the others for everyday” I said “ thank you Ellen I will keep this one to use when I have to go back to the convent to work” I saw the look of horror on her face so I said “ I’ve got to go back 2 days a week to work in the still room apart as the deal of letting me go” she said “ oh but Murtagh has got to be with you just in case” I nodded. Geillis helped me with my dress and Ellen said “ come on Geillis and I will help you down the stairs and you can have something to eat” I said “ isn’t it a bit late” Ellen shook her head and said “ we’ve not eaten yet” I got up slowly and tried to walk and winced in pain Ellen said “ when you’ve eaten I will get Brain to get you some paracetamol” and we slowly began to walk down the stairs.

we entered the dining room Murtagh and Brain where sat at the table Murtagh stood and came round to hug me but Ellen said “ don’t broken ribs” I saw Murtagh’s anger begin to build again I said “ Murtagh you got me out of there if it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t of been given any treatment I’ve been given nothing” he said “ aye I know but I’ve never seen Father Frank do that before” I said “ Polly told Geillis and I months ago how much father frank loved the beatings more so because he didn’t have to do it I think his anger has just been building since mother superior and Black Jack changed the punishment and I was just in wrong place at the wrong time but you stopped him and saved me” I carefully wrapped my arms round him and he wrapped his arms lightly round me.

I heard 2 more voices and pulled away quickly holding my ribs as the pain jolted through Geillis saw this and said “ come on Claire come and sit down” I sat next to Geillis and the chatter stopped between the 2 of them I looked over and saw Jamie and Jenny stood there he was staring at me so I carefully lent over to Geillis and said “ didn’t Jamie know I was here” she shook her head and said “ he wasn’t in here when Murtagh brought you” I just said “oh” Ellen placed a big dish of stew in front of me I thanked her Brain said grace and we all began to eat and everyone was talking about their day I just listened.

After dinner Ellen asked if I still wanted the paracetamol and I did so she sent Brain to get me some while I wanted I noticed the time that’s when it began to hit me that I have freedom even though I do have to go back 2 days week it wasn’t too bad Brain brought me the paracetamol and said “ you can go and relax in the living room with a good book or Geillis can help you up to bed if you like” I said “ I’d I like to relax and read then I will go when Geillis is ready to go up” he said “ alright I’ll take you through” I stood in awe of the amount of books Brain said “ choose one no one will start to read it till you have finished it” I scanned the shelves and I found Jane Eyre and sat down by the lit fire to read in peace and quiet.

I’m not sure how long I had been reading until Geillis came up next to me and said “ ready for bed” I said “ yes please” Geillis helped me up the stairs we went into the room that’s when I noticed there was another bed in there I turned to Geillis and said that wasn’t there before” she said “ no Murtagh and Jamie brought it through after dinner Ellen thought it would be a good idea that we stay in the same room I don’t mind if you don’t” I said “ I don’t mind” I changed and climbed into bed once I found a comfortable way to lie and Geillis was in bed I finally broke the silence and said “ Geillis how long did it take you to realise you had freedom”. she chuckled and said “ a few weeks at least I was constantly looking over my shoulder for a nun to come and scowled me but I finally found my place here” I mumbled “I hope it doesn’t take to long for me to get used to it” and sleep finally pulled me under.

It had been 2 weeks since I had left the convent and I was beginning to get restless having to stay still because of my ribs I had to do something

I was sat at breakfast I turned to Ellen and said “ please can I do something I feel like I’m a burden on you” Ellen smiled and said “ Claire you aren’t a burden but you need to rest so you can heal” I sighed and said “ fine but can I at least go for a walk later on” Ellen said “ yes but you can’t go alone” I heard a cough I turned and saw it was Jamie he said “ I’ll go with Claire we won’t walk to far though” Ellen said “ alright later after you’ve done your chores” she turned to me and said “ you can go lay down for a bit before you go” I said “ Yes I think I will”. I finished my porridge Ellen took my bowl and said “ you go upstairs and lay down and Jamie will come and get you when he’s finished” I stood and moved slowly towards the stairs when I got to my room and I lay down and slowly drifted off to sleep.

I’m not sure how long I had been asleep for but I woke with a start when I felt a hand on my shoulder and I was about to scream when I was stopped by Jamie saying “it’s me” I calmed Jamie said “ are you ready for that walk now” I nodded and slowly began to sit up when we got down stairs I heard Murtagh and Geillis laughing so I said “ what’s so funny” Geillis turned round and said “ Geneva has heard where you are and she was not happy” I was about to reply when Jamie said “ who’s Geneva” I started to laugh and Geillis said “ the girl who has been trying to get your attention for a long time in church” he said “ no never noticed” I began to laugh hard then stopped having memories of what Geneva had said and done in the past Geillis saw this and wrapped her arms round me I quietly began to cry and said “ come on let’s take you outside” as we walked towards of the door I heard Jamie say “ what did I do” I heard Murtagh say “ there’s more to Claire’s past involving Geneva just leave her be for now go work with your da”.

Whilst we both walk down the road free to talk without a nun present I managed to calm down Geillis said “ I’m sorry” I said “ what for you were only telling me what happened and I’m bound to remember it every now and then aren’t I ” she said “ yes you are I still remember my first beating every now and then but not very often” I said “ you were beaten” she just nodded and I knew that was the end of the conversation. Geillis said “ go this way we turned left at the end of the road and we walked into the harbour Geillis let go of my arm and said “ come sit here and watch the men bring in this morning’s catch” I sat next to her and we sat in silence watching the men pull the trays of fish in.

I wasn’t sure how long we were sat there but I heard Jamie shouting our names I turned quickly and winced Geillis said “ what’s wrong” he said “ nothing mum just was getting worried” Geillis said “it’s alright we were heading back now” we all began to walk back together we all knew Jamie wanted to ask so Geillis said “ I’ll go on ahead and see if Ellen needs any help” and ran up the hill Jamie and I walked in silence for a while I stopped and said “ Jamie I guess you want to know what happened before” he said “ only if you want to” I said “ I don’t think I’m quite ready yet but I will let you know when I am”.

We walked in silence for a bit Jamie spoke first and said “ I don’t mind what we talk about you choose” I said “ how long have you known Ian for” he chuckled and said “ oh we’ve been getting in trouble together since we were children” I tried to laugh but it hurt so I stopped I said “ I didn’t notice all this on the walk down” Jamie said “ were you too busy to talking to Geillis” I didn’t have to look at him I could hear the smile in his voice I nodded and said “ yes about our past” I stopped to get my breath Jamie didn’t noticed he turned round and saw that I was further down the hill and came running back and said “ is everything alright” I said “ yes just catching my breathing finding it a bit hard walking up hill” Jamie said “I’ll carry you”. I said “ no I’ll be fine in a minute just walk a bit slower” my breath was beginning to slow some so I started to walk again Jamie did as I asked by the time we got back it was beginning to rain Ellen was stood in the doorway with her hands on her hips glaring at Jamie and I said “ Ellen I’m sorry it was my fault I was having trouble with the hill and breathing” she said “ fine Jamie you get off with it this time but Claire you’re not going down to the harbour again until your healed” I said “ yes Ellen” I said “ is there anything I can do to help with dinner” she said “ no you go and lay down Geillis will come and get you when its ready” I nodded and began to walk towards the stairs and Geillis raised her eyebrows at me and I mouthed “ what”

When Geillis woke me to go for dinner I felt like I was back at the convent I said “ I better get up I don’t want hard labour” Geillis said “ what Ellen won’t give you hard labour” I shook my head and said “ sorry must have been dreaming” she said “ don’t worry it will happen for a while yet” we walked down the stairs side by side we entered the dining room and everyone was seated waiting I said “ I’m sorry to keep you waiting I fell asleep” Ellen must of seen there was more to it but said “ no need to worry dear just take a seat” I sat next to Ellen with Geillis the other side of me.

When we finished, I said, “is it alright if I go and finish reading Jane Eyre, or do you want me to help to clean up?” Ellen said “ go and finish your book” so I headed into the living room and sat by the fire to continue reading the book but Jamie said “ can I join you” he was carrying a book and I said “ what are you reading?” he said “ great expectations” I said “ ah a classic” he just smiled at me I went back to my book I heard a intake of breath so I looked up and saw Jamie was about to say something but stopped himself so I said “ go on” he said “ well my mum has informed me that my older brother willie is coming home for the week and its been a while” I said “ ok be nice to meet him what does he do” he said “ he’s lawyer in Dublin that’s why it’s been a while” Jamie began to read his book and I did the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading


	8. chapter 8

The day Willie came home Ellen decided to through a party to welcome him home Ellen had agreed for me to help as long as I sat still when the pain got too much I stop and go and have a lay down I had agreed to it .So I was sat in the kitchen peeling potatoes when we heard a load of noise coming from the front of the pharmacy I tried to move quickly but Ellen stopped me and said “ I will go” I turned back to what I was doing when I heard Ellen shout “ Willie you know how to make an entrance”.

Jamie came in and said “ Willie I would like you to meet Claire” I said “ nice to meet you Willie” and stuck my hand out for him to shake he took it and said “ nice to meet you too” I must of gone pale Ellen said “ Claire dear why don’t you go and have a lay down before tonight”. I said “ I think I will” Jamie stepped forward and said “ I’ll help you up” I said “ no you don’t need to spend some time with Willie” once I was out of the door I finally placed my hand on my ribs I did hear the footsteps just felt the hand on my shoulder I looked round and saw Geillis she said “ go on up I’ll go and get something for you” I quickly moved up the stairs and went to lay on my bed Geillis came in a few minutes later with some paracetamol I sat slowly and said “ I thought the pain would be getting better by now” Geillis said “ they are broken they will hurt till they are healed” after I took the paracetamol Geillis could see there was something on my mind and said “ come on you can tell me” I said “ I hope Jamie hasn’t told Willie what has happened” she smiled and said “ if he has I’m sure he won’t say anything now lay down and rest I’ll come and get you in a bit ” so I lay on my side that was comfortable and drifted into sleep.

I woke to the sound of Jenny’s voice not Geillis’s I groggily said “ oh hi Jenny where’s Geillis” I heard her chuckle and said “ Willie is flirting with her so I thought I would leave her and I’d wake you” I said “ thank you” once sat up I said “ I must look a mess” she chuckled and said nothing a brush cant sort out” I slowly got out of bed and went over to the dressing table and bushed my hair through jenny said “ better”. We went downstairs and the dining room had been transformed the table removed into the hall was with food full Brain had music playing in the corner and Geillis and Willie were dancing in the middle of the room Willie stopped and walked over and took Ellen and Brain ’s hand and said “ come on mam and dad join us” I heard Ellen laugh and they joined in.

I sat for a long time watching everyone dance and laugh together but it was getting a bit too much for me so when everyone was busy I slipped out into the garden for some air and sat on one of the garden walls near the back of the garden where it was a bit dark I heard footsteps and said “ Geillis I’m over here if you’re looking for me” the voice came “It’s not Geillis” I said “ Jamie you should be with your family I’m just getting some air” he said “ may I sit with you” I said “ of course” and moved up the wall to make some room we sat in silence for a while when Jamie spoke first and said “ you know I was never told your middle name or last for that” I chuckled and said “ my middle name is Elizbeth and last is Beauchamp” Jamie whispered “ Bess” I said “ what did you just say?” he began to get nervous and said “ it’s a nickname for someone that has the name Elizbeth” I said “ I know my father used to call me it” he said “ I.. I… didn’t mean to upset you I won’t call it you again” and stood to leave I crossed my arms and said, “aren’t you going to give me a chance to answer you?” he said quietly “okay” I said “you didn’t upset me it was just a shock to be called that again” I sat back down and I turned to him and said “ I’m ready to tell you what happened with Geneva but it can wait till when Willie goes back to Dublin” Jamie said “ ok now you come back in with me and we are going to have a little dance” I said “no I can’t” he said “ it will be a slow one” I said “ fine as long as no one can see us” I took his hand and he lead us back into the house and we walked passed the dining room door but stayed close enough to the music to still hear it and he put his arms round my waist genteelly and put my arms round his neck and lay my head on his chest and we swayed to the beat of the music.

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The next morning we all sat round the table Murtagh kept telling everyone to hush because of his hangover Ellen said “ well that will teach you to drink too much” he just grumbled and went back to eating his porridge Willie said “ so Claire where did you grow up” I felt Geillis move her leg and Willie said “ ouch there was no need for that” I squeezed Geillis’s hand in thanks I finished my porridge and said “ is it alright if I go and get some fresh air” Ellen said “ of course” I stood and went towards the back door and I heard Murtagh say “ Willie why did you say that” I didn’t hear the rest of the conversation.

I was sat in the same place that I had sat in the night and I was looking down at my hands I saw a shadow passed over me I tensed at the memory I slowly looked up and saw Willie he knelt in front of me. He said “ I’m sorry for what I said it wasn’t my place to pry” I smiled and said “ it alright willie” he said “ now come back in the house it’s going to rain soon” I stood and followed him in.

When we got back in the house Brain Murtagh and Jamie had left the kitchen it was just Ellen and Geillis in there I said “ where’s jenny” Ellen said “ she’s gone to work with the grocer today” I sat back where I was before I notice Willie walk out of the room Ellen said “ Claire Geillis it’s about time I tell you something” we looked at each other and nodded for her to carry on Ellen placed her hands on the table and said “ I want you two to know you can tell me anything that happened at the convent as I know what goes on in there. More than others as I was in there myself until I was 18 because Brain couldn’t get me out any sooner but the head of the convent at that time was someone called Father Bain he did like to punish but nothing compared to Father Frank and Father Jack you always can see when they’ve done their handy work even though they think its hidden the congregation knows” I spoke up and said “ well why do the congregation keep giving them money” Ellen said “ the reason Claire is you all need to be fed and it is the only way that we all can help because we cant get you out of there”. I said “ so I guess you figured out when I got my first beating” she just nodded Geillis finally said “ and mine” Ellen nodded again I said “ does Willie Jenny and Jamie know about you being the convent” she just said “ yes” and could clearly see that we weren’t going to open up any more than that so she said “ I’ll go and help Brain in the pharmacy” stood and left.

Geillis said “ come on let’s go and get a good book” I chose a book whilst Geillis lit the fire I picked pride and prejudice as I had finished Jane Eyre by the time I had come back from choosing my book Geillis was reading persuasion by Jane Austin I sat next to her and I started reading my book.

I woke sometime later to noise looked round me and saw everyone was back even Murtagh I said “ Murtagh your back early” he chuckled and said “no lass it’s 6 o’clock” I looked at Murtagh and said “ I didn’t mean to fall asleep” he said “ don’t worry lass everyone can tell you’re not sleeping very well and after dinner Ellen Brian and I would like I word with you ” after dinner we all sat round the table and Murtagh said “ we have come up with an idea” I said “ what is it” Murtagh said “ that you live here with Ellen and Brian but as you know you have to go back to the convent 2 days a week to work in the still room . Father frank is not to go near you I just nodded so we have thought if we can get your guardianship sighed over to me just to make sure your safe and with Willie being a lawyer he can draw the papers up while he’s here” I said “ I would love that thank you” I said “ where will you live?” he said “ where I live now in the cottage next door”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading


	9. chapter 9

The rest of the time Willie was here went by really quick and was fun but it did mean one week closer going back to face everyone at the convent, Geillis and Willie got closer as the week went on I couldn’t help but smile for my friend the morning Willie left Geillis wanted to go with them to take him the train station but there wasn’t enough room for her so Willie said “ I won’t leave it as long next time I will bring my work back with me” then gave Geillis a hug and walked away I went to stand next to her and said “ found yourself a man” smiled she said “ oh and you can’t talk” I said “ what?” when walked away.

Ellen had started to allow me helping in the kitchen I was wash the breakfast dishes when I heard footsteps I turned and saw Jamie I couldn’t help but smile he came and stood next to me and said “ do you think we can have that chat now?” I said “ don’t you have to chores to do” he shook his head and said “ no I’ve done them” I looked over at the clock and said “ that was quick” he just smiled at me Jamie said “ do you mind me calling you Bess as it does suit you” I said “ okay I don’t mind” I finished the washing up and said “ come and sit out the back” we sat on the bench. I said “ I don’t know where to begin” he said “ when did all this start with Geneva” I looked down and said “ the first Sunday I was there she saw you looking at me” he looked down at his hands and said “ I’m sorry” I just shook my head and carried on and said “ how she had lied to Black Jack and Mother superior and that they beat me” even though Jamie was still looking down but I could see the anger in his face building I said “ Jamie look at me” he finally looked at me I said “ what is done is done yes it hurt at the time but she is no longer allowed to hurt me” he just nodded and was about to say something when I heard Geillis shout “CLAIRE!!!!!” I jumped up and tried to run towards her whilst holding my side but she got to me first she said “ their coming their coming” I said “ calm down who is coming” all’s she could say was “ Mother superior and Black Jack” .I said “ what do they want” she just shrugged I took Jamie and Geillis’s hands and said “they aren’t going to scare me” and walked towards the house.

We all were sat in the Sunday room I was wondering who was going to talk first so I thought it would be me so I said “ nice to see you mother and father but I would like to know that why you are here” Black Jack said “ I would like to know when you will be back ” Ellen went to speak but Brain put his hand on her shoulder and said “ Claire will not be coming back to work until she is fully healed” Black Jack said “ she looks fine to me and there isn’t a mark on her” Brain crossed his arms and said “ Claire has at least one broken rib thanks to your father Frank so no she won’t be coming back until she’s healed”. Black Jack slammed his cup and saucer on the table and stormed out.

Once they were out of sight I said “well its clear what they wanted” Geillis said “ I had a feeling it was” I said “ do you mind if I go for a walk but I won’t go to the harbour” Ellen said “ take Geillis and Jamie just in case” Jamie helped me get up and we walked out the front of the shop giving a nod to Brain , Jenny and Ian as we walked about I turned to Jamie and said how long have Jenny and Ian been together” he said “ they’ve been together for a good few years but Ian proposed last month” Geillis said “I love a good wedding” we did walk to far as I had promised.

When we got back to the pharmacy it was only Brain and Ian in the shop Geillis and I walked through Jamie stayed in the shop we went straight to the kitchen and found Jenny and Ellen making dinner Geillis was the one to say “ Jenny you never told us you were getting married” she just turned and smiled at us and went back to helping Ellen, Ellen and Jenny didn’t need any help so Geillis and I went into the living room to read we had been reading in for a while when I couldn’t hold it in any longer I said “ Geillis do you really think that they were going to get me back to work” Geillis said “Black Jack clearly thought he could he just brought mother superior to look good” .I said “ it proves the Black Jack isn’t as behaved as he professes to be but it does scare me when I have to go back the reception I will get from everyone because they wont of told them the truth” and went back to reading my book after finally telling someone my true feelings about having to go back Geillis said “ well when your in there it gives me the chance to come and see Polly and Alex in the garden of a lunch time” I heard Jamie shout “Geillis, Bess dinner is ready” Geillis said “ Bess” with an odd expression I just smiled and shook my head she said “ oh he’s got a nickname for you things are getting serious” I leant in and Whispered “he hasn’t even asked me yet so no they aren’t it’s just a friendly nickname”. Geillis just said, “hmmm I’ll leave you thinking that” and we sat down and waited to be passed our dinner.

__________________

The next morning when we had finished our breakfast Geillis offered to clean up as I had done it the morning prier I said “ what can I do then” Brain said “ do you want to help me in the shop for a bit as Ian is going to be late” I said “ I would like that” I followed Brain in the pharmacy and began to look through the shelves’ when the door opened and I saw a women come in and I noticed she had bags under her eyes she said “ Mr Fraser have you got anything to help me sleep” I saw Brain frown whilst he looked back at the shelves and he turned back and said “ I’m sorry Mrs murphy but I don’t” she sighed and said “ thank you Mr Fraser” turned and walked before Mrs murphy got out the door I went to Brain ’s side and said “ if you give me a couple of hours I can make something” Brain shouted “ Mrs Murphy if you come back at the end of the day I’ll have something for you” she turned and said “ oh Mr Fraser thank you so much see you later” I stood behind the counter waiting for Brain to come back” he lent against the counter and said “ before I sell anything I need to know what goes in it” I nodded and said “ as long as you agree to not pass on the recipe” he said “ I won’t” I said “ okay”

I said “I need bees wax and lavender” he said “ Ellen has some beeswax I’ll go and get you some just wait there” Brain came back with both beeswax and lavender I said “there’s another thing I can make to help aid sleep but I can’t get the stuff in a few hours” as I walked towards the kitchen I saw Ellen in the living room and I said “ do you have an old pan you don’t use anymore” she said “ of course dear” and I followed her into the kitchen she got the pan down from a top shelf and said “ what are you making” .I said “ a customer came in asking for something to help her sleep and Brain didn’t have anything so I told him I have a recipe and he’s agreed for me to make it as long as I told him what was in it” Geillis must of heard me say this she came running in saying “ you’re not allowed to make stuff outside the convent” I turned and smiled and said “ I wasn’t making this in the convent so it doesn’t count” she shook her head and walked away Ellen left me to carry on what I was doing alone.

I finished making the sleep remedy bottled it up and took it through to Brain I said “ here you go I’ve written the instructions of use down as well” Brain said “ thank you I’ll give it to Mrs Murphy”. I smiled and walked back into the kitchen Jenny, Ellen and Geillis were all sat round the table everyone turned and stared at me and I said “ what have I done” Geillis began to laugh and said “ come sit down” I gave an odd look and did as asked Jenny sat forwards and said “ I was talking to Ian and we would like both of you to be our bridesmaids at our wedding” I looked at Geillis and didn’t know what to say so Geillis said “ we would both love to” I said “ but when’s the wedding” she said “ oh not for about 6 months yet as I’ve got to go to Dublin to get my dress and your coming so we can get your dresses too” I was speechless I only could think of say “how will we get around me having to not go to the convent?” Jenny said, “you have control of your days, don’t you?” I just shrugged and said “I don’t know but I can try” Jenny said “ well you have any trouble you just come and get us” I stood up and went round the table and embraced her and said “ thank you” and Geillis did the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading


	10. chapter 10

It was my first Sunday back at the church since leaving the convent and seeing Father Frank I got dressed in the dress that Ellen had made for church Geillis could see I was nervous and came over gave me a hug and said “ it will be fine he can’t talk to you or if he tries one of us will step in the way and I’m sure Jamie will be happy to sit by you” and smiled at me we then heard Ellen shout “come on girls, we will be late”.

When we got there Jamie helped me out of the car and Geillis took my hand when we entered the church it was nearly empty and it was my first time looking round the church properly instead of being ushered into the back pews Geillis gently pulled my hand and said “ over here”. I followed her I sat In between Geillis and Jamie I turned back and looked behind me people were beginning to come in but I couldn’t take my eyes off the back pews knowing that’s where Alex and Polly will be sat Geillis whispered stop looking the girls will get into trouble when they get back” I sighed and looked at the front knowing she was right before I knew it the church was full and mass had started.

After mass we left church and Mrs Murphy came running over and said “ Mr Fraser do you have any more of the sleeping remedy as I haven’t slept this well in a long time”. Brain said “ I can get you some just give me a couple of days as I had it specially made” Mrs Murphy said “ of course Mr Fraser” I couldn’t help but smile knowing my father’s recipe had worked on someone but my smile was soon one when I hear someone shout “ Claire” I knew the voice straight away and I tensed up Geillis Gently place her arm around me and said Father Frank won’t get near you” he was going closer to us and I was trying to think of something to say when Brain stepped in front of me and said “ what can we do for you father?” he said “ I would like I word with Claire” Brain said “ I’m sorry father we don’t have time today we have to get home” Brain turned around and said “ come on we’ve got to get back” we walked in front of Brain so Father Frank couldn’t get to me”.

We got back to the house and I said “ is it alright if I go and have a lay down for a while” Ellen said “ of course dear” I slowly walked up the stairs when I got into my room I got changed and lay on the bed I was just dropped off to sleep

I woke to arms being wrapped round me not realising who it was till I opened my eyes fully It was Jamie I said “ what happened” Jamie said “ I was walking passed your room and heard cries and I came in and wrapped my arms round you and you calmed down” all’s I could do was say “ I’m sorry I don’t know what I was even dreaming” he said “ don’t worry Bess” I said “ I think I should get un now anyway” .

When we got downstairs we went into the living room and Geillis saw me first and said “ are you alright Claire you look a bit pale” I just nodded she knew there was more to it and said “ come on out side some fresh air will do you some good” I followed her outside she was sat on the wall before I was out there Geillis said “ please take a seat” I sat next to her Geillis crossed her arms and said “ what happened” I looked down at my hands and said “ I don’t even know what I was dreaming I just woke up with Jamie’s arms were around me and he said he could he me crying in my sleep and he came in and put his arms round me and I stopped” when we heard Murtagh shout “Claire Geillis dinner is ready” Geillis stood and said “ come on we best go” I slowly got up and followed her in the house.

We sat round the table and Brain said, “can I ask you to make some more of the sleeping stuff?” I said “of course “I can make the tea as well if I can get the herbs” Brain said, “what is it?” I said “camomile for sleep and pepper mint tea for indigestion” Ellen said “ it grows along the coastal path”. Jamie stepped in and said “ I can take Claire up there tomorrow if that’s alright” he looked to both Ellen and Brain Ellen nodded as did Brain said “ alright Jamie but you have to be careful” I looked at Jamie and saw he was smiling from ear to ear I didn’t say anything I just continued to eat my dinner.

The next morning Geillis woke me and said “ Jamie wants to leave in 20 minutes” I groaned and got out of bed when I got downstairs I was the last to start eating my breakfast I turned to Geillis and said “ when did you eat?” she said “ oh before I woke you up” I turned back and began to eat my porridge before I knew it Jamie was stood at the door and said “ are you ready?” I said “let me take my bowl over to the sink”.

We left the house we were silent for a while but it was Jamie who spoke first he said “when do you need to go back to the convent?” I tensed when he said this he must of seen this and placed his hand on my shoulder and said “ I’m sorry I shouldn’t of said anything” I shook my head and said “ I’ve been trying to figure it out myself” .We carried on walking for a while and I began to scan the ground as we walked up the hill, I found them in small bunches dotted all over I began to collect some I could hear Jamie pacing back and forth whilst I did this I looked over my shoulder and said “ is everything alright” he said “ erm I think so I just don’t know how to ask you this” I stood slowly and said “ asked me what?” he ran his hand through his hair and said “ would you like to come out for a meal with me?” I said “ of course I would” and turned back to picking the flowers Jamie came next to me and began to help me once we were finished Jamie said “ come on lets lay here for a while” I said “ we cant your mam and da will get angry if we are late” he said “ alright Bess I guess your right” so we began to walk back down the hill.

we walked into the kitchen Ellen was making dinner saw us and said “ you’ve got a lot” I said “ that’s not all of it” and went to wash my hands ready for dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading


	11. chapter 11

After breakfast the next morning I was out in the back garden sitting in the sun when I heard footsteps so I turned and saw it was Geillis glaring at me with her arms crossed I said “ what’s up” she said why didn’t you tell me last night?” I said “tell you what?” with a slight smile she began to glare at me more and said “Jamie asked you out” I said “ yes he did but we didn’t get chance last night and anyway we haven’t spoken more about it” Ellen came out and raised her brows at us Geillis just smiled.

I said to Ellen I need to speak with everyone tonight about going back to convent I can see Brain is getting short of the stuff I make and I’m not allowed to make it outside the convent I only can make to teas and such because I didn’t make them in the convent ”. Ellen said “go and have a lay down and we will talk about it tonight” I gave her a hug and went back into the house I went and lay down and fell asleep.

When I woke the sun was beginning to set I sleepily went downstairs and straight into the kitchen knowing Ellen would be getting dinner ready I said “ I’m sorry I slept all day but is the anything I can do to help with dinner” Ellen said “ I’m fine here but you can go and set the table if you want ” and passed me the cutlery I smiled and took it from her and went into the dining room I was setting the table in a little world of my own when I heard a cough coming from the doorway I looked up and saw it was Jamie I couldn’t help but smile Jamie. smiled back I looked down and said “ I’m sorry we’ve not spoken about what you asked me” he said “ don’t worry I had my chores to do and by the time I had finished mam had told me you had gone for a lay down” I said “ I did but I also fell asleep and only woke about 10 minutes ago” I went back to setting the table.

After I finished Brain and Murtagh came in I went back into the kitchen and said “ do you need me to do anything else” Ellen said “ no your fine go and sit down” I went back to the dining room Geillis and Jenny were in there I sat down and just watched everyone chatting Geillis was talking to Jenny about the wedding Murtagh and Brain were talking about the running of the shop Ellen came in with a pot of beef stew and sat it down in front of Brain and Brain dished it up.

After dinner I said “ need to ask everyone’s advice” everyone turned and stared at me I said “ I think I need to go back to the convent to make some more of the rubs your running out Brain and I can’t make the rubs outside the convent” Brain said “ I am running out yes but are you feeling better” I shrugged and said “ I can move but not lift fully yet and I’m going to ask if I can work Wednesday and Thursday then I’ll get Friday to Monday off which means I can make the teas”. Ellen sat forward and place her hand on my hand and said “ as long as you’re ready” I said I’ll never be ready to face him again but I’m going to have to at some point I’ll go back tomorrow and sort everything out” I turn to Murtagh and said will you come with me to make sure everything goes alright” Murtagh said “ of course lass” I said “ thank you” and looked over at Ellen and said “ is it alright if I leave the table” she nodded I stood and left.

I went straight to the garden I heard footsteps I turned and saw Geillis she said “ are you sure about this” I said “ I’ve got to go sooner or later and Father frank is not allowed near me when I’m there” she came closer and said “ as long as you’re sure” and wrapped her arms round me and tur we began to walk back to the house. Jamie was stood in the doorway and I said “ if you’re going to ask what I think you’re going to then it’s yes” he said “it depends on what you think I’m going to ask” and gave me a cheeky grin Geillis carried on into the house I said “ what is it?” he said “ well I would like to take you out for a picnic near coastal path on Sunday and I want to go with you tomorrow” I said “ I would love to go with you on Sunday but you can’t come with me as I don’t want someone to see you and it anger them before I get through the door but maybe when I settled back in” and took his hand and squeezed he sighed and said “ okay” and we went back into the house.

When I woke the next morning I was pretty nervous knowing things would be different I went downstairs and managed to get half a bowl of porridge down me Murtagh said “are you ready” I only could nervously smile at him we walked up in silence I just kept thinking it cant be worse than it had been when I was there last time. we got to the front door when we stepped through Murtagh said “ we best go to mother superior’s office” I nodded and followed him I was taking deep breathes to calm myself we got there and Murtagh knocked and we heard “ENTER!!” Murtagh looked back at me and I nodded he opened the door and said “ mother Claire has come back to work as we agreed but she would like to talk to you first” she beckoned me forward I stepped forward and said “ mother since we agreed that it would be 2 days a week like to come and work Wednesday and Thursday I hope that’s fine with you” she sat back and said “ we agreed 2 days that shall be the 2 day’s you shall work now you may leave” I said “ thank you mother” turned and walked out.

Murtagh walked me to the door of the still room and said stay in here unless sister Hildegarde is with you I nodded he said “ see you at lunch” and left I took a deep breath opened the door Alex and Polly where in there they came running towards me and gave me a hug I grunted in slight pain they both said “how did you get out?” I just shook my head and said “ nice to see you too” sister Hildegarde came in and said “ girls back to work” she saw me and smiled and said “ it’s good to see you again” I got straight to work and sister Hildegarde came over and said “ how are you?” I said “ I still can’t lift fully” sister Hildegarde said “ of course I’ll do that for you” . I said “ did you know that mother and father came to see me to see if I was fit for work and an argument nearly broke out between father and Brian but Brian put him down so he stormed out” sister Hildegarde said “ me and mother have been talking and since you will be seen as a worker you will be given a small amount of pay” I was speechless so I took her hand and squeezed it and said “ Brian’s nearly running out of everything that I make for him so I need to make everything”.

I didn’t notice how much time had pass by until sister Hildegarde came over and told me it was time for lunch I walked out of the still room and went to head towards the hall and sister Hildegarde stopped me and said “ kitchen” I turned and looked at her with a nervous look in my eye and she said “ don’t worry he’s not allowed near you” I nodded and started walking towards the kitchen praying I wouldn’t see him. When I got to the kitchen I saw Murtagh sat eating his lunch when he saw me he waved me over I sat next to him and we chatted about how my first morning had gone after finishing I said “ I’ll see you later and I began to walk back to the still room when I felt eyes on me I turned and saw father Frank staring at me I shuddered and carried on walking when I got back to the still room I continued making the creams and rubs so they were ready to take back that day

It was just sister Hildegarde and I in the still room for the rest of the day I had made a box of each I had just finished putting the last bottles in the boxes when there was a knock on the door I turned and saw it was Murtagh he said “ you ready to leave” I nodded and said “ can you carry these” I turned to sister Hildegarde and said “ see you tomorrow”

Jamie took me on the picnic as promised on the Sunday afternoon after church

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading


	12. chapter 12

3 months later

Time had flown by I had settled into a routine working for the convent and working for Brian I was finally packing for my trip to Dublin with Jenny and Geillis I could see the excitement in of getting to see Willie again when we were ready we got into Murtagh’s truck. He took us to the train station when we boarded the train I let myself drift off to sleep.

I was woken by being shaken by Jenny she said “come on Willie will be waiting for us” I got up and followed Jenny off the train and saw Geillis already talking to Willie Jenny lent over and said “ she pretty much ran off the train” I chuckled and carried on walking I saw Geillis and Willie stood by and really posh car and when I got there the first thing I could say is “ this is yours” he said “ my ford Cortina it is the perks of being a lawyer” and smiled at us I saw Jenny look at her watch and said “ come on I don’t plan to stand here all day” Willie sighed and said “ come on then”

while were traveling through the streets of Dublin I was surprised at how many people there were and how many shops there where as well when we finally stopped I got out and was looking round in awe Willie must of seen this as he said “ first time to Dublin” I just nodded he said “ let’s go in” we all followed Willie up the stairs to his apartment Willie showed us the rooms we would stay in we put our bags down and Willie said “ you settle in while I go and get us dinner” it was just Jenny Geillis and I in the apartment Jenny began to make tea and Geillis and I sorted out our bags and went down stairs when she shouted we sat round the table and Jenny pulled out a list and said “ these are the bridle and bridesmaids shops that are here and I would like to look at them all if possible” and she handed us the list and I was about to say something when Willie came back shouting “ I’ve got dinner” I said to Geillis “ I’m sure Willie wasn’t this loud when he was back home” Jenny must of heard and said “ no he wouldn’t be as my da wouldn’t stand for it” I heard Jenny shout “Willie no need to be so loud” he gave Jenny a glare then turned back to Geillis and I and said “ I’ve brought wimpy’s” Geillis said “ never had it but willing to give it ago” Willie passed around the contents of his bag when he sat down he said “ its burger and fries with all the trimmings I nearly lived of theses while in lawyer school Jenny don’t tell mam that” Geillis and I began to laugh and Jenny just shook her head and we began to eat.

after dinner I went over to look out the window and saw someone walk passed that I thought would never see again I didn’t breath again till they had completely disappeared I felt a hand on my shoulder I turned and saw Geillis and she said “ are you alright it looks like you’ve seen a ghost” I nervously giggled and said “ I’m sure its nothing come on lets go and sit with Willie and Jenny” we went and sat on the other sofa and just listened to Willie and Jenny talking I began to yawn and said “ does anyone mind if I go to bed early” Jenny said “ of course not you look tired”.

I was woken the next morning by Jenny saying come on breakfast is ready I groaned and got out of bed when I got downstairs, I looked round and said, “where’s Willie?” Jenny said “he’s already at work” I didn’t reply I just sat and ate my breakfast quickly and we rushed out the door we got to the first dress shop called the bridle corner we went in and began to look through the racks and a women came over and said “ can I help” I turned and smiled and said “ it’s not me that’s get married it Jenny over there” Geillis came over and said “ you aren’t getting married yet” I elbowed her and said “ shut up” and turned back to the racks I found one a ¾ length sleeved dress with a lace panel down the middle I turned round and said “ Jenny what about this?” she frowned and said “ no I wanted a short one” I placed it back on the rack I went over and looked at the shorter dresses I found a plain off the shoulder silk dress and said “ Jenny what about this?” I looked at it and said “ I’ll try it on” I went and sat down and waited for Geillis and Jenny they finally came over with their picks and Jenny went into the changing room she first came out in the dress I picked smiling from ear to ear I said “ what do you think?” she said “ I love it I’ll get this one” that’s when the sales women stepped in and said “ you cant buy the first dress you try on Jenny turned and said “ why not?” I walked over to the sales women and said “ you don’t question a Fraser but Jenny are you sure that is the one” Jenny smiled and said “ yes it is” and went back into the dressing room when she came out she said “come on lets get your dresses”. The next shop we went in was a bridesmaid shop called Marie forkin fashion design this time I just left jenny to look as did Geillis she brought over a high neck sleeveless light pink dress and said “ try this on”. we got up and did as asked when I came out Jenny squealed with excitement and said “ yes that’s it” I just turned and smiled at Geillis and she smiled back Jenny said “ what do you think?” I just said, “there nice” and Geillis just said “yes they are” we turned and went back into the changing room when we came out, we bought the dresses and left.

As we walked down the street Jenny said “ come lets get something to eat” I heard Geillis then say “ look a Wimpy’s” we went in and ordered 3 burgers and fries we ate quickly and went back to Willies apartment to relax before we all had to go back to the bay.

When we got back to the bay time was flying by and Jenny’s wedding was getting closer it what I had seen in Dublin only crossed my mind every now and then but one day whilst I was working in the convent it wouldn’t go away so when I was sat at lunch with Murtagh he could see something was up and said “ what’s wrong” I shook my head and said “ not here to many ears” Murtagh said “ okay I guess you don’t want to talk in front of Brian and Ellen either” I shook my head”. he said “ alright after dinner this evening we can go down to my cottage and have a chat” I said “ alright” and finished my lunch and went back to work

After helping clean up after dinner I went back to the dining room and Murtagh said “Claire are you coming back to the cottage for a chat” Jamie then jumped up and said, “can I come too?” Murtagh looked at me and I said “yes its fine” we got into Murtagh’s cottage and he turned to Jamie and said “ will you go and make us all a drink” I sat on the sofa nervously rubbing my hands together not knowing where to start Murtagh started and said “ I noticed when you came back from Dublin you were different but I didn’t know how to ask you did something happen?” I said “ not exactly but on the first evening of us being there I think I saw my mother” I finally looked at Murtagh I could see he couldn’t think of anything to say. I then heard Jamie’s voice he said “ did she see you?” I shook my head and said, “no I was in Willie apartment” Murtagh said “well that’s a good thing” Jamie said, “do you want to see your mother?” I just shrugged and said I don’t know” Murtagh came a sat next to me and said, “why did you keep quiet?” I said, “I didn’t want to upset anyone” he frowned and said, “why do you think you would upset anyone?” I didn’t know what to say so I just shrugged Murtagh sighed and said “ yes Jenny is my goddaughter and I’m excited for her but I’m your guardian so it’s important that I help you as well so please don’t hide things from me” I nodded and wrapped my arms round him.

Murtagh took the cups into the kitchen and Jamie followed him they didn’t come after a while, so I followed them in and heard Murtagh say “I’ll deal with it” I said “deal with what?” they both jumped when they heard me Murtagh said “ Jamie suggested that we try and find your mother” I stood there and thought about it and said “ her is my mothers name is sandy beauchamp and if you do find her but I will decide on what to do when you’ve found her” he said “ only if you want me too” I nodded I saw Jamie look at the clock he said “ we best get back” I went over and embraced Murtagh and we left.

When we got back to the house Geillis was stood by the door waiting Jamie walked past and said, “I will leave you two” Geillis took my hand and pulled my outside and said, “what was all that about?” I sighed and told her what I had told Murtagh and that he’s going to find her for me at Jamie’s suggestion Geillis said “ you should of said something before” I shrugged and said “ I told you why I didn’t” she sighed and said “ fine” and we went inside I went and found my book and somewhere quiet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading


	13. chapter 13

Since telling Murtagh what I had possibly seen in Dublin I left like a weight had lift off my shoulders and I managed to get back into a routine and it was a 3 days before Jenny’s wedding and the flurry of activity round the house was unbelievable I was glad when I manged to sneak out for a quiet walk alone or so I thought until I felt arms round my waist I yelped in surprise I heard “ shhh Bess its only me” I spun round and said “ Jamie are you meant to be with Ian” he said “ yes but I saw you sneak out so I saw my chance to follow you”. Jamie let go of my waist and I took his hand and said “ come on lets go sit in the harbour till they realises we are gone” we sat side by side holding hands on the looking out to sea listening to the water crashing against the harbour wall . I lay my head on Jamie shoulder I finally spoke to break silence between us by saying “what times Willie coming I know Geillis can’t wait?” Jamie said “ my da went to the station to go and get him when I snuck out” I laugh and said “ clever but they will send someone to find us” Jamie said “ they will but hopefully we should get some peace till they do”.

I’m not sure how long we sat there cuddled together but the sun was beginning to set and I was dropping off to sleep we both heard a cough from behind us we sprang apart Jamie said “ Willie I thought you would be resting” he smiled and said “ no I need some fresh air and mam asked me to find you two and I had I feeling you maybe down here” I went to get up and Jamie stopped me and said “ Willie can we just have 5 more minutes before we head back?” he sighed and said “ as long as I can join you” Jamie nodded so I shifted up and Willie sat next to me I said “ it won’t be long till Geillis is here” I then heard “hey you three you left me out now shift up” I began to laugh and said “ what did I say?” we all moved up and Geillis sat next to Willie I said “ we are really going to have to move in a minute or your da and Murtagh will be dragging us back by our ears” I heard Geillis laugh and said “you may be right”.

Geillis and I got up and began to walk back when I heard Jamie and Willie groan I saw Geillis shake her head I said “ what?” she said “nothing” I crossed my arms and said “ if you say so and has Willie asked you out yet” she just shook her head and said “ it probably won’t work anyway with him living in Dublin and me here” I said “ have you ever thought that Ellen and Brian may let you go and see him your contract wasn’t as locked tight as mine was it?”.She said “ I don’t think so” I looked behind me and saw Jamie and Willie whispering so I said “ Geillis lets wait” when Jamie and Willie caught up with us we began to walk in step I leant over and said “ what were you whispering about?” Jamie just smiled at me and put his arm round my waist so I rolled my eyes and that’s when I noticed that Geillis and Willie were walking ahead of us Jamie then said “ Willie told me that Murtagh wants to talk to you when you get back” I quietly said “ okay” beginning to feel nervous at what he had to say whether it was about the convent or it was about my mother all sorts began to swim around my head Jamie saw this and stopped me and said “ I will stay with you if you want” I said “ I would like that” and started to walk again.

We got back to the house and Brian was waiting for us and Brian was about to say something when I heard Jenny “shout da I need your help” we walked into the kitchen and Ellen turned and said “ where have you 4 been?” I said “ I went out to get some air and Jamie followed me and we lost track of time” Ellen turned to Willie and Geillis and raised her eyebrows and Geillis said “ what Claire said” she huffed and said “ Willie go set the table” I said “ is Murtagh around?” Ellen said “ he’s in the living room” I went in and said “ I’m sorry I’m late did you want to speak to me?” he said “ I do I think its best we go out of earshot” I followed Murtagh though the kitchen and Jamie looked at me and nodded and he followed behind me once we were fair enough away from the house Murtagh turned round and said I have your mothers address”. I stood there frozen not quite sure what to do I felt a hand which made me jump and brought me back to the present I said “ thank you Murtagh for telling me but I’m not ready to see her yet” he said “ well I have it when you’re ready to and I’ll come with you when you go” Jamie said “so will I” I said “ Jamie your da can’t do without you” he said “ when you do decide to go if you do it will only be a few days” I nodded Murtagh then said “ it not me you have to thank its Willie he did all the work” I said “ I best go and thank him as well”. I turned and walked back in the house I found Willie and Geillis sat next to each other in the dining room I sat across from them and they both looked at me and I said “ thank you Willie” and he replied “ your welcome” I looked over to Geillis and she just looked completely confused I just smiled at her and she knew that meant I would tell her later everyone bar Ellen came into the dining room and took their seats and when Ellen did come in she placed the pot of stew in front of Brian who plated it up.

________________________

The three day flew by and its was the morning of Jenny’s wedding I ate my breakfast wondering how Jamie was feeling being best man Ellen pulled me from my thoughts by saying “ come on I’m going to do your hair” I quickly finished my porridge and followed Ellen up stairs to her bedroom she asked me to sit by her dressing table and began to tease the knots out of my hair and began to pull it back into a bun with a few curly strands hanging down the front she said “ all done now go and get your dress on” I went into my room and found Geillis sat on her bed ready to go . I could see she looked worried so I sat next to her and said “ what’s up?” she just shrugged I placed my hand on her shoulder and said “ is it about having to stand up in front of everyone?” she said “ it is” I turned to face her fully then and said “ well I’m up there with you too so don’t worry and you’re getting to walk down the aisle with Willie” she smiled at me so I said “ come on best go down stairs and wait for Jenny” Brian and Murtagh where stood in the living room and Brian was pacing the back forth Murtagh said “ will you stop Jenny will be ready when she’s ready” Brian turned and glared at him and said “ you will be feeling the same way sooner or later” Murtagh only hmphed in reply and I began to laugh and said “ not just yet Brian think there’s a while to go yet” .we heard footsteps coming down the stairs and we turned and saw Jenny and Ellen descending they got to the bottom and Brian went over and kissed Jenny on the cheek and said “ are you ready?” Jenny smiled and said, “I’ve been ready to marry Ian since we were children and it just took him this long to ask me” and began to laugh Ellen chimed in we best going and we all headed off to the church.

When we got there it was beginning to snow and Geillis said “ a white wedding” I said “well it is December” saw Jamie Willie and the priest were stood outside waiting for us Murtagh and Ellen went inside to take their seats Jamie and I went down the aisle first and then Willie and Geillis when the wedding march started and Jenny and Brian began to walk down I looked over to Ian and could see he was nervous Jamie leant over and whispered something into his ear and he smiled when Jenny got to the front and Brian had passed over Jenny’s hand to Ian and went and sat down they began their vows I looked at how many people were in the church I was brought out on my wondering when I heard cheers and saw Jenny and Ian kissing then they ran down the aisle hand in hand we followed them out.

we all went to the church hall where Ellen and some of the women In the bay had put together a wedding breakfast before we all sat down I went over and gave Jenny a hug and said “ it will be odd not having you around so much” she laughed and said “ oh Claire I will still be there nearly every day” and embraced me again we took our seats and were served our food after there were the speeches they felt like they went on for ever somewhere very funny everything was cleared away and the lead sing of the local band the McGuinness’s stood and called Jenny and Ian to the middle of the dance floor I stood next to Jamie watching Jamie step in front of me and said “ may I have this dance” I said “ you may” we were only second couple on the floor I looked over and saw Willie pulling Geillis onto the floor and I began to laugh she must of heard me and glared at me and I just smiled and waved at her when she got close to me and leant over and said “ oh you love it really” she just laughed and moved away I danced all night even Murtagh asked to dance with me and I couldn’t refuse I saw Murtagh smile properly for the first time ever I sat down for a rest and heard the church bell strike 12 and Jamie come over and said “ come on one last dance before we all have to go” I groaned when I stood up realizing how much my feet where hurting Jamie heard this and said “ don’t worry Bess I’ll carry you home” I rested my head on Jamie’s chest and sighed I heard the lead singer shout “thank you and good night” everyone cheered Jamie pulled back and said “ come on I’m going to give you a piggy back home” I said “ can’t not in this dress” he said “ fine like this then” and scooped me up I said “ I’m not the one who got married” we got back and Jamie carried be to my room and said “ get some rest” and kissed me and said “ goodnight” I was still slightly dazed when I heard a cough and looked and saw Geillis and she said “ was that what I thought it was?” I nodded and turned and went into my room Geillis followed me and I turned and raised my eyebrows at Geillis and she said “ yes Willie asked me” I said “ see told you had found yourself a man” she rolled her eyes and said “ I’m going to sleep”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading


	14. chapter 14

6 months later

Jamie and I were sat on the coastal path having a picnic that he had prepared before we had gone to church, I was I looking out to sea when Jamie said, “can I ask you something?” I turned and said “anything” I could see he was getting nervous he turned back to the picnic basket and pulled out a little box and opened it and said, “Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp will you marry me?”. I was speechless the only thing I could do was nod I found my voice when he slipped the ring on my finger and said “ we cant marry yet I’m not 18 till October” he smiled and said “ we can talk to Murtagh and see if there’s a way round it” I kissed him and Jamie said “ lets go back and tell everyone” once packed up I looked at the ring and said it’s a claddagh ring it’s beautiful” he smiled and said “ my mam gave it me a few weeks ago for you” I said “ she knew you were going to ask me to marry you” he just smiled at me and pulled me into a kiss.

We got back to the house and Geillis was out in the garden and she saw the glint of the silver from the sun and she squealed and said “ he finally asked you?” and I laughed and smiled at her Ellen popped her head out of the door and said “ what’s all the noise?” I just held my hand up and she came over and embraced me. I said “is Murtagh around we need to talk to him?” Ellen said “he’s in the study with Brian” when we got to the study, I knocked on the door and Murtagh and Brian looked up and Brian said “come in” I took Jamie’s hand as I was too nervous to talk so Jamie said “ I’ve asked Claire to marry me but we were worried that the convent could stop it with Claire not being 18” Murtagh’s brow furrowed and he said “ not that I know of but should we go and see Willie just to be sure they can’t” I turned to Jamie and he said “ yes” I just smiled and said “what day can we go?” Murtagh said “ we can go on Thursday after we’ve finished at the convent” I said “yes” Murtagh said I’ll give Willie a ring and him know we will be coming” that evening whilst we were all having dinner we inform Ellen and Geillis what was happening Ellen said “ best we know for sure”

My next working day I walked into the still room and Alex and Polly saw the ring and said “ he finally asked you” I sighed and said “ why does everyone keep saying that?” and laughed sister Hildegarde came over and embraced me and said “ congratulations” I said “ thank you” and went to work I was in the still room on my own after lunch the door swung open I thought It was father frank so I braced myself I turned and saw Geneva as red a raging bull I smiled and said “ how may I help you?” she said “ is it true has Jamie proposed” I said “ yes he did” she shouted “ first you get out of he here without telling us why then you take my man” I couldn’t help but laugh and said “ firstly its none of your business how and secondly Jamie is his own person he not a possession” I saw sister Hildegarde stood in the doorway she shouted “ Geneva leave now!!” she huffed and stormed off I mumbled “I thought she should of got the message by now” sister Hildegarde said “ best not invite her to the wedding then” I said “ I wasn’t going to but I would like Polly and Alex to be there I wouldn’t of survived my time here without them and I want you there too” she said “ I’ll see what I can do” I said “ thank you” and I turned back to my work.

Thursday evening came around Jamie ,Murtagh and I got on the late train to Dublin I sat looking out the window in a world of my own when Jamie said, “what’s wrong?” I sighed and said “ I was thinking was it a good time to face mother since you and Murtagh are with me” Jamie said “ its up to you I’m sure Murtagh brought the address” I turned to Murtagh he said “ I brought it just in case” I smiled and turned back to looking out the window we finally got to Dublin the sun was beginning to set Jamie saw Willie first and he came over and said “ who would of thought my baby brother getting married before me” and laughed I said “ I’m sure a certain someone wouldn’t say no if you asked” he rolled his eyes and walked back to his car.

After dinner Willie red through the contract that was written up and said “ they cant do anything because Murtagh is your guardian I said “ we thought the same but we just thought we would check” I sat back I said “ what’s the best day I go and see my mother then?” Jamie said, “so you’re going” I just nodded I heard Willie say “I best come with you to make sure there’s no trouble” he turned and looked at Jamie and Jamie just said “what?” Murtagh said “what about tomorrow? I said, “that’s fine but what about Willie and work” Willie said “I can call in and say a family matter has come up and they will be fine”.

The night I tossed and turned when Murtagh came to wake me up I was sat up I saw me and said “ looks like you haven’t slept” I smiled and said “ you’re right there” Murtagh said “ come on Willie is cooking breakfast” I got out of bed and got ready. when I went downstairs there was a full Irish breakfast plate up waiting for me I sat and ate what I could Jamie put his arm around me and said “ everything will be fine” I leaned into him and just nodded Willie came over and said “ I think we should best get going” we all got into Willies car I stared out the window and watching the city pass by Willie pulled up outside a high rise of flats and said “ she lives in there” my hands began to shake I took a few deep breaths and said “ best get it over with” we were all walking towards the building and Jamie took my hand and said “ I’m not letting going” Willie caught the door as someone was walking out and when we were walking up the stairs he said “ I’ll knock and get us in” we got to the third floor and Willie went over and knock the door was answered by a man Willie said “ hello I’m here to see Sandy Beauchamp” I heard her voice for the first time in nearly 4 years she wasn’t letting us in so I knew I had to step in so I stepped in front of Willie and she went pale when she saw me said “ you have a choice we either take this inside or we deal with this out here for everyone to hear” she said “ let them in Padraig” I followed her through to the sitting room and she was pacing back and forth she finally said “ what are you doing here?” I crossed my arms and said, “I see you are liking them younger” and moved my head towards Padraig I see she was beginning to get anger she shouted at me “he’s your brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading


	15. chapter 15

I couldn’t move through shock I saw my mother slump down onto the sofa Murtagh came round in front of me and said “ I think its best we go home” he turned me around and began to walk away I turned back and shouted “ oh thanks for dumping me in a place that nearly killed me” and carried on walking before the door completely shut I heard Padraig say “ how much of what you told me is lies” and the door clicked shut we got back the car and Jamie wrapped his arms round me and I broke down into tears when they finally stopped and looked up at Jamie and said “ I should of seen it he’s the image of my father” Jamie said “ no you were too focused on your mother to see anything else” Willie came and stood by Jamie and said “ we are going back to the bay today Murtagh will ring da when we get back to my flat but don’t tell him what’s happened”.

When we got to Willie’s flat, we packed our stuff and We got in Willie’s car and he said “ I’m going to drive us back it will be quicker and quieter” I said “ thank you” I sat back I and closed my eyes replayed the days events in my head I must of drifted off to sleep as the next thing I felt was the cool sea air on my skin I came round and saw Jamie knelt in front of me he said “ come on sleepy head we’re home” Jamie helped me up as I was still half asleep I saw Geillis running towards us and Willie stepped in front of her and said “ we all need a drink” Geillis placed a small glass of Guinness in front of me Geillis sat next to me and said “ what happened” I took a sip of my drink and said “ I’ve got a brother” the entire table went quiet Ellen said “ you know for sure” I said “ I know for sure because my mother told me” Murtagh said “ it’s true as I was stood there when she said it as was Willie and Jamie” I stood from the table and said “ I hope you all don’t mind but I need some air” and I left the house I heard my name being called and saw it was Geillis she caught up with me and took my arm and said “ come on lets go to the harbour you maybe able to think straight then”. I sat looking out to sea I finally said “ he has to be in his mid-20s at least” Geillis sat forward and said “ do you want anything to do with him?” I said, “I don’t know” Geillis said “we best start walking back as it will be dark soon” I just looked up and said “I suppose your right” we slowly began to go back.

It had been a few weeks since I had found out a had a brother I managed to push it to the back of my mind and carry on with my work until one weekend when Willie came home we had just finished breakfast when he came over and said “ can I talk to you please?” I nodded and said “ come out the back” we sat in silence and I could see Willie was struggling so I said “ what is it?” he sighed and said “ your brother came to me while I was in court I asked him how he found me and he told me he works as clerk there and he’s asked to see you” I was about to reply when Willie said “ hear me out” I nodded and he continued “ I’ll have to speak to you first and he agreed to it I decided to talk to a few of my friends round the courts asking about his character and they say he’s a good man” I said “ okay let me think about it” Willie said “ let me know”.

Ellen asked Jamie and I to go to the grocers and we bumped into sister Hildegarde she could see there was something wrong and said “ Claire what’s wrong” I said “ do you need to go straight back or can we have a chat without convent ears present” she said “ I can make an excuse for why I’m late” I turned to Jamie and said “ do you mind” he said “ no you go and talk to the sister” I gave him a kiss.

When we were out of the grocers I said “ come on I’ll treat you to a cup of tea and piece of cake” we went to the café across the road and found a seat near the back when our order was taken she sat forward and said “ now Claire what’s wrong?” I took a deep breath and said “ you know I went to Dublin with Jamie and Murtagh” she nodded I said “ I went to face my mother and I found out I have a brother older than me and he went to Jamie’s brother at his work and has asked to meet me and I don’t know what to do”. sister Hildegarde sat forward and said “ Claire remember he didn’t know of you either so it would have been as much as a shock to him” I said “ I know” she said “ you asked for my advice and here it is find mutual ground and go and meet him and see what he as to say” I sighed and said “ maybe your right” we finished our tea and left I gave her a hug in thanks and said “ see you Wednesday”. I walked back to the house and when I went in said “ Willie, Jamie, Murtagh and Geillis can I have a word” we all went into the living room and sat down I turned to Willie and said “ I’ve just spoken to a friend about it and I’m will to hear him out only if it on mutual ground” I turned to Jamie and he was giving me a odd look and Willie stepped in and told him everything and I could see Jamie getting angry Murtagh stepped in and said “ Claire probably spoke to her friend first because your to close to it all” he said “ maybe your right” I said “ when should I meet him then keep it in mind I have to be at the convent on Wednesday” Willie said “ I have to go to court on Monday so I’ll probably see him there and I can see when he’s free” I just nodded.

Ellen called us in for dinner when we were eating our dinner Jamie said “ have you thought of any dates for the wedding” I shrugged and said “ maybe 14th September as it was my father’s birthday” I looked round the table and Ellen said “ if Jamie agrees I’ll go and check with the priest.

It was the following Friday when Geillis, Murtagh and I were on the train going back to Dublin I just watched out the window as the country side dropped away getting more nervous the closer we got and Geillis leant over and said “ don’t worry if he does one wrong move I’ll have him” I smiled and said “ thank you” we finally pulled into the station and as per usual Willie was waiting for us after Geillis finally let go of Willie I said “ were are we meeting him?” Willie said “ we are meeting him at a café called the shamrock” we pulled into the carpark and took our seats I was beginning to get fidgety the longer we waited so I said “ I’m going to get some air” I began to walk down the street and fabric and pattern shop caught my eye so I decided to go and have a look to take my mind off things I was flicking through the patterns and I found one that we do for a wedding dress I felt a tap on my shoulder and it was Geillis she had her arms crossed and eyebrows raised and said “ and what’s that for?” I said “ maybe my wedding dress” she said “ Jamie will go nuts that’s not very traditional ” I said “ I’m not wearing a big frumpy wedding dress” Geillis said “ well you always could lengthen it by a few itches”. I smiled and turned to fabrics and found a plain white satin fabric and turned to Geillis and said “ what about this” she said “ you could get some lace for the top” Geillis shouted “what about this?” I went over it had different flowers and over it I held it next to the satin and it worked well since the priest agreed to the date I decided to get everything and thought I knew I was saving me work pay for a reason we left the shop and went back to the café and Murtagh saw us and said “ were have you two been” I just said “ wedding stuff and no you can’t ask what” that’s when I noticed Padraig was sat there.

I sat down in front of him not sure what to say so Willie said “Padraig why don’t you tell us what happened to you” I finally looked up he told me how he had been adopted when he was born as our mother was only 15 when she had him and how he was raised by a loving family” I said “ I thought I had a loving family until father died that’s where it all went wrong I crossed my arms and said “ how do I know you’re not going to go crawling back to mother?” he said “ when you left an argument broke out between us and she shouted at me she never wanted us so I’ve done as she asked and walked away ” Geillis leant forward and said “ if any of us find out your lying you will regret it” Padraig just nodded and said “ I’m not lying” Willie said “ I think I believe him” I said “ okay” Padraig said “ can I ask what you meant by the place mother dumped you nearly killed you” I shook my head and said “ I’m not ready to talk about it” he said “ I can imagen I’ve heard what can happens in them places” I heard Geillis mumble “you would never know” Padraig said “ can we meet again?” I said “ I’ll have to let you know” he said “ I understand and thank you for agreeing to meet me I said “ okay” Murtagh leant over and said “ we’ve got to get our train soon” I stuck my hand out and said “I will let you know when I’m back in Dublin” he smiled and said “thank you” and we parted ways.

When we got back to the bay Jamie saw I was carrying a bag and said, “what have you bought?” I said, “nothing Geillis can you please take that for me” I pulled Jamie into a hug and said “you’re not allowed to see” we sat round the dining table and Ellen asked” how did it go?” I told them everything that Padraig and told me and he had asked to meet me again Ellen couldn’t believe how a mother say a thing Jamie said “ well I want to meet him properly so if you do go I’m coming with you next time” I said “ Ellen could I have a quiet word” she said “ of course dear” we left the dining room and went to my room and I showed her what I had got and a said “ would you be able to help me make my dress” she smiled and said “ I will and I’ll ask Jenny to help as well” I gave Ellen a hug and thanked her and left the fabric with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading


	16. chapter 16

When I went back to work sister Hildegarde asked how it went and I told her everything she said, “are you glad you went?” I nodded said “I think so I’m just not sure whether to see him again” sister Hildegarde said, “why what’s telling you no?” I shrugged and said “ I don’t know I decided to change the subject and said “ did you speak to mother superior about you Polly and Alex coming to mine and Jamie’s wedding?” she said “ I did and she said “ no” I said “ okay I’ll sort it but I will need you to bare witness on what I say” sister Hildegarde frowned and said “I will” I smiled and went back to my work.

I was sat eating my lunch when Murtagh said “ you look thought full” I said “ I’m working something out” after lunch would you be able to come with me I need you as a witness” I went back to the still room sister Hildegarde Alex and Polly were in there I said “ sister Hildegarde could I have a word” she followed me out of the room and I said “ I’ve come up with a plan”.

when I got to mother superior’s office I knocked and when she said “ enter I opened the door and said “ may I have a word mother” she smiled which even made Murtagh shiver I sat in front of her and said “ I would like to make a deal with you Murtagh and sister Hildegarde are here as my witnesses” she frowned so I carried on I said “ you have said no to sister Hildegarde to Polly Alex and sister here coming to my wedding now I want to make a deal as you know my contract ends with you when I marry so I can move on to the pharmacy to making my remedies there so you would loose money but what if I agreed to work at least 6 months after I got married oh and one more condition the three of them stay with me the night before” I could see the mother thinking about it she said “ I will agree to it” we left her office. Murtagh said “ Jamie won’t like it” I shrugged and said “ I’ll deal with it” I turn to sister Hildegarde and said “ I’ll tell them now” I went back into the still room and said” Alex Polly I’ve got something to tell you” they turned and looked at me I said “ you are coming to my wedding” they both came over and gave me a hug and Polly said “ how and we have nothing to wear bar these” I said “I’ll speak with Ellen to see if she make you something”

After dinner that evening I asked Jamie if he wanted to go for a walk and he agreed as we walked down to the harbour, I couldn’t stop rubbing my hands together Jamie stopped me and said, “Bess what’s wrong?” I said “ lets sit down first” once sat down Jamie turned to me and said “ well go on” I took a deep breath and said “ don’t shout at me but I’ve done a deal with mother superior so a few of my friends can come to the wedding” he said “ what sort of deal?” I glaring at me I said “I’ve agreed to keep working for at least 6 months or till I’m with child after the wedding” he said “WHAT!!! We are trying to get you out of that place” I stood and shouted “ oh so your only marrying me to break the agreement” he sighed and said “ no” and shouted again “ and by the way you’ve got all your friends coming I lost all my friends when my mother dumped me there the only ones are Geillis Polly, Alex and sister Hildegarde” and stormed off Jamie began to called me I ignored him when I got back to the house I stormed off upstairs and put my back to the door and began to cry quietly.

I heard the knock on the door and I shouted “ go away Jamie” I heard Ellen’s voice and she said “ it’s not Jamie” I moved away from the door and went and lay on my bed I closed my eyes and continued to cry again I heard the bed squeak next to me and I opened my eyes Ellen sat forwards and started to wipe the tears away and said “ Jamie told us” I didn’t say anything Ellen continued and said “ I can see why you’ve done it because none of my friends where allowed at my wedding” I said “ does he know that” she said “ he does now as I shouted at him as did Geillis are you willing to speak to him now” I nodded I watched Ellen leave I wiped my eyes and heard click of the door open again and Jamie was stood nervously in the doorway I said “ can you please shut the door” Jamie came and sat on the edge of my bed and said “ I was wrong I’m sorry but how do you know that mother superior will honour what she said” I said “ Murtagh and sister Hildegarde were there when I spoke to her so I have witnesses and Polly, Alex and sister Hildegarde are staying the night before so the convent can’t change their mind”. I got off the bed and Jamie wrapped his arms round me and said “ I’m sorry” we went back downstairs Ellen and Geillis were in the living room so I knocked on the door and said “ may we join you?” the both smiled Jamie and I sat on the empty sofa I said “ Ellen have you got space for 3 more people the night before the wedding” she said “ I’m sure we can make space as Jamie and Brian won’t be here” why” I said “ that’s the other part of the deal I made that Polly, Alex and sister Hildegarde stay with me the night before” Geillis’s face lit up came over gave me a hug and said “ I haven’t spoken to them in so long”

“ sorry to be a burden Ellen but could you make Polly and Alex something to wear as they only have the dress from the convent” she said “ well I can get Jenny on one and I’ll help with the other” Geillis said I’ll help too.

________________________________

I spent a couple of weeks thinking about whether I should see my brother again I knew I had to as I could see he wanted to try and build bridges so when Ellen was speaking to Willie that evening I asked him to set up another meeting with Padraig which he agreed to do.

The next Saturday Geillis Willie Jamie and I were sat in the shamrock café waiting for Padraig I began to feel nervous and Geillis learnt over and said “ its not as bad as the first time” I quietly said “ I know” I looked over towards the door saw Padraig I waved him over Jamie tensed next to me a placed my hand on his arm and he calmed and said “ I thought it would be a good thing I met my brother in law to be” Padraig smiled then looked at me and said “ I’ve got something to tell you” I frowned and said “ what’s that?” he said “ I was coming out of work a couple of weeks ago and our mother was stood there and she tried to get me to accept her back and I said no and she’s been following me everywhere so she may turn up” I said “ okay thank you for tell me and if she shows up maybe we face her off together”. Jamie said “ do you think that’s a clever thing to do?” I just shrugged and said “ I want answers” Jamie and Padraig where chatting between themselves when the door opened and I when I saw her walked in I said “Padraig” and nodded towards the door he turned and saw who it was and said “ are you ready” I nodded and decided to walk in front of Padraig and she seemed surprised to see me I said “ hello mother shall we take this outside so everyone can eat and drink in peace”.

when we got outside my mother was stood there with her arms cross and I said “ why did you take me there” she mumbled something I said “what?” she said “ I was grieving” I laughed and said “ so your way of dealing with your grief was by dumping your daughter in a convent without an explanation until I get to Black Jacks office and I find out the lies you made up for them to keep me there”. I heard Willie say “Geillis don’t” I turned and saw the fury in her eyes Geillis was by my side I said “ leave Padraig alone seen as you said you didn’t want him or I suggest he seeks legal advice am I right Willie” he said “ you are and I would be happy to stand as his lawyer as I don’t like people who hurt my family” in my mind the conversation was over so .I walked back in the café I heard Padraig say “ she’s feisty” Jamie laughed and said “ she is” we sat back down at the table and Padraig said “ I heard you call someone Black Jack why is he called that?” I looked at Geillis and she said “ he was the head priest who liked to punish well he still does but he promised the pope he wouldn’t anymore” then shook her head and said “ that’s for another time” we all fell into easy chatter between ourselves I turned to Padraig and said “ I wasn’t sure until now but would you like to come to Jamie and mines wedding” he said “ I don’t know where you live” Willie said “ you can come with me”.

when we got back to the bay Ellen called for me and I followed her upstairs into her craft room and I saw my dress on the dress dummy and she said “ is this what you were thinking” I said “ absolutely can I try it on” she laughed and said “ it’s your dress” she helped me with it and I looked at myself in the mirror I was speechless Ellen came behind me and said “ is that a good silence or bad” I said “ good” and smiled at her she said “ now what do you want for Polly, Alex and Geillis” I said “ what spare fabric do you have” she went to look in the chest and came back with a light purple colour and said “what about this?” I said “ yes purple is one of my favourite colours” Ellen said “ we will use that but I’ll have to come with you to take the measurements”. I said “ best coming on a Wednesday” Ellen said “ I’ve not stepped foot in there in a very long time” I said “ I lot of things probably haven’t changed much”

Wednesday came round and I was in the still room when there was a knock on the door and I looked up and Ellen was stood there I shouted Alex and Polly over and introduced them and said “ she’s here to measure you for your dresses as I want you to be my bridesmaids as well” I could see the shock in the their face so I said “go on in the store room for some privacy”. I turned back to my work I thought it was Ellen behind me but I turned and saw it was father Frank and I said “ what are you doing in here” he just shrugged and I said “ go away you know what was said” he laughed and said “ you are in here alone so make me” I shouted “ELLEN!!!!” she popped her head round the corner and I said “ meet father frank” she came over and said “ I would be grateful if you left please” he narrowed his eyes at her and said “ who are you?” she smiled and said “ I’m Claire’s mother in law to be and I know what type of person you are” while glaring at him he grumbled and stormed off Ellen said “ has he done that in the past” I shrugged and said “ he has tried but sister Hildegarde has always been around” she nodded and said “ I’m done I will see you tonight” and I gave her a hug and she left”.

that evening when I got home Ellen said “ did he annoy you again” I shook my head and said “ no he left me alone” she said “ good now come with me” I followed her upstairs into her craft room and saw the start of the bridesmaids dresses and Ellen said “ what do you think?” I said, “they are beautiful can’t wait to see them finished” and gave her a hug and left the room.

Jenny and Ian had come around for dinner and we were sat round the table and Jenny said, “how are things with you and your brother?” I said “ we’ve invited him to the wedding” Jenny looked shocked and said “ really aren’t you worried that he will go back to your mother” I shook my head and told her what had happened in Dublin When we finished dinner Jamie and I cleaned everything up then went into the living room for some quiet he placed his arm round me and I lay my head on his shoulder I said “ I’ve got my dress ready” he looked shocked and said “already” I laughed and said “your mam works fast” and smiled at him and he rolled his eyes I went and got my book and Jamie took it from me and said “ I’ll read to you” I snuggled into his side and let his voice lull me to sleep.

**___________________________________________________**

The weeks blurred into one and it was the night before my wedding Polly Alex and sister Hildegarde were sat with us having dinner Geillis Polly and Alex were chatting between themselves sister Hildegarde leant over and said, “how are you feeling?” I said, “I’m looking forward to it but a bit nervous” she said, “you’ll be fine” Ellen called me into the kitchen and said, “can I ask you something?” I frowned and said “yes” she said, “do to you know what to expect after your married?” I looked at my feet and said “I do I heard some of the girls talk in the convent” she smiled and said “good I’m glad you know” and she left with dessert I went and sat back down Ellen said “ after we have finished we best get started on the wedding buffet” I didn’t say anything just saw the Geillis rolled her eyes and I just smiled at her.

We all headed into the kitchen and Ellen gave us all jobs to do and I began to make the batter for the wedding cake I was lost in my thoughts when Ellen said “ at noon tomorrow you will officially be a Fraser” I just smiled and said “ I cant wait and you may get another one soon” moving my head towards Geillis” Geillis said “ if Willie is going to ask me he will ask when he good and ready” I looked over at Polly and Alex and I could see the sadness in their eyes I said “ I’m sorry I didn’t mean to upset you” they both smiled and said “ don’t worry about it we have tonight as freedom don’t we sister” and looked at sister Hildegarde sister Hildegard smiled and said “ I haven’t had this much freedom since taking my vows and that was a long time ago”.

We had prepared everything we could, and we were all sat in the living room all chatting between ourselves when I yawned and Ellen said “ you best get to bed were up early in the morning” I said “ it will take me a while to do my hair” Geillis Polly Alex and I walk upstairs I showed them to the room they would be staying in and gave them a hug and said “ thank you” the both said “ what for?” I said “ for coming to my wedding” Polly said “ its you that made that happen” I gave them both another hug and went to my room Geillis was already in bed” whilst I was getting changed Geillis said “ are you alright?” I said “I’m nervous but its expected” I climbed into bed and said “goodnight to Geillis and let my tiredness take over.

I was woken by chatter from downstairs so I groaned and get out of bed and went down stairs I said “ I’m the last up Geillis said “ we decided to let you have a bit of lay-in” I said “ thank you” and began to eat my breakfast I heard the front door open and I heard Jenny’s voice and she was chatting to someone so I ran and hid I shout you haven’t got Jamie with you know its bad look” she laughed and said “ no da and Ian were holding him back when I left its Murtagh and Padraig with me I walked back to the kitchen and went back to eating my breakfast I said to Murtagh “ how is Jamie?” I heard Jenny laugh and he said “ he’s already dressed and wouldn’t sit still” I looked at myself and said “ I’m nowhere near ready yet” and ran off upstairs I was quickly trying to pull a brush through my hair when I saw sister Hildegarde behind me and she said “ let me” I handed the brush to her and she slowly began to tease the tangles out of my hair and said “ I’ll help Geillis Alex and Polly get ready in one of the other rooms” I heard a knock on the door and I turned and saw Ellen carrying my dress she went and lay it on the bed and Sister Hildegarde said “ all done” I turned and said “ how did you do that so quick” she smiled and said “ you wouldn’t know what was under this habit” and left.

Ellen said “ come on lets get you ready” she pulled my hair up into an updo and pinned it in place helped me into my dress and zipped the back of my dress up and said “ Jamie will like it” I put my shoes on and went down stairs and Jenny was the first to see me and said “ Jamie may have a heart attack” I said “ I hope not”. we began to laugh Ellen came in and said “ come on we best get to the church I turned to Murtagh and Padraig and said “ I want you both to with me when I walk down the aisle”. They looked at each in shock Padraig said “ how” I said “ well you could walk me down and Murtagh give me away” he said “ it would be an honour” Murtagh said “ it would indeed”.

I looked at the clock and said “ best get me to the church I don’t want to be late for my own wedding” we walked to the church and the priest was waiting for us like he had for Jenny’s wedding Ellen and sister Hildegarde both gave me a kiss on the cheek and went inside Willie came down to walk with Geillis and Polly and Alex walked side by side Padraig stood my me and Murtagh was behind before I noticed it was my turned to walk down I saw Jamie stood at the end of the aisle I wanted to run to him but I couldn’t we got to the end of the aisle and Murtagh and Padraig swapped places the priest said “ who gives this women to this man?” Murtagh said “ I do” and placed my hand into Jamie’s we exchanged vows and rings and the priest said “ I now pronounce you man and wife you may kiss the bride” we began to kiss and I heard clapping and cheering the priest said “ may I present Mr and Mrs James Fraser I we ran down the aisle.

When we got to the to the hall for the meal Murtagh stopped us and handed us a key and said “this is your wedding present from me to you” I frowned and he smiled and said “ I’ve been doing up the cottage and I want you and Jamie to have it and I will move in with Ellen and Brian I just thought I would leave it as a surprise for you both” I wrapped my arms round him and thanked him and said “thank you for all you have done for me”

After we ate to much food and danced our till I was to tired Jamie carry me out of the hall with everyone cheering and clapping behind us and over the threshold of our new home I wondered what life held for us both now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading


	17. chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a short chapter

Over the next three months Willie and Geillis had got married and Geillis was living in Dublin and Brian and Ellen had got Polly and Alex out of the convent with the same deal that had been done with me they were living with Brian and Ellen helping out in the house and Ellen was Teaching them crafts.

I woke up one morning and I was feel abit dizzy but I thought I just needed some fresh air so I left Jamie to sleep and walked to the convent earlier that day when I got into the still room sister Hildegarde was already in there mixing the pain remedy together the smell hit me and I began to go dizzy again but caught myself on the counter. sister Hildegarde helped me to a chair and asked me if I was alright and I said “I’m fine just didn’t feel too well this morning” she raised her eyebrows and said “ are you sure not with child” I said I don’t know”. I sighed and said “ I best try and get some work done” sister Hildegarde shook her head and said “ no I’m going to help you get home ” I said “ I can’t I have to be here” she carried on shaking her head and said “ I’ll talk to mother”.

we left the convent and started walking back home and Ellen saw us and came running over and asked what happened so sister Hildegarde explain Ellen asked the same question and I said again “ I don’t know” Ellen’s face lit up and said “ when did you last have your courses?” I stood and thought about it and said “I have not hand one since before I got married and just didn’t notice because we’ve so busy”. She placed her hand on my stomach and said “ feel that” and that’s the first time I’d felt a slight swell of my stomach I looked up in shock . I mumbled “how could I be so stupid” Ellen laughed and said “you’re not” Ellen said to sister Hildegarde “ I’ll take her back” sister Hildegarde gave me a hug and went back towards the convent.

she wrapped her arms around me and said “come on let go we walked into the pharmacy Jamie was there I came over and said “ I don’t look to well” I smiled and said “ I’m fine ” Brian looked at me and I just smiled Ellen said “ come on let’s get you a drink of tea“ when will you tell Jamie?” I shrugged and said, “probably tonight” and carried on drinking my tea when I had finished, I went home for a lie down and I fell sleep.

When I woke from my sleep, I heard Jamie in the kitchen and he said “mam sent over dinner tonight” we sat down and ate in silence Jamie finally said “ Claire what’s wrong I can see there is something wrong”. I looked up and told him everything that happen this morning and I looked at him and said “I’m with child” he came round knelt in front of me and lay his hand on my stomach and looked me in the eye and said “ thank you” with tears in his eyes and kissed me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may come back to this story one day  
> thank you for reading my story   
> I hope you all liked it

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading


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